HELLO!!!!!!!!!???????????

Is anyone out there? Hello.....?

Lost Undies...

For some reason there has been a pair of men's underwear hanging on this branch outside of my apartment building for two weeks. I have no clue how they got there but one morning I walked out to my car and there they were...waving good morning. (Would have preferred it if they were being worn by a handsome young man though).

And for the record, I very nearly embarrassed myself when I stopped to take this picture. A nice looking fellow chose that very moment to walk past the breezeway...I'm sure it looked very odd, me standing there photographing underwear. Oh dear. I tried to hide my camera in the palm of my hand as I took off running back up the stairs...though I'm sure he thinks I'm an incredible perve. Oh well.

Movie Marathon

Unless you want to spend the day watching football or golf (which I don't), Sunday television absolutely blows. So I decided that I was going to have a movie marathon day. I pulled out some of my favorites from my collection and then rented a few I had never seen before. I have to admit that I am a bit of a movie loving freak. Aside from my books, my movie collection is one of my most valued possessions.

Anywho, so I curled up on the couch with my blanket...snacks and mountain dew on the coffee table and I pop in my first rental, "Sahara"...let me just say that this was one of the crappiest movies I have seen in a long time. What was Matthew McConaughey thinking? It was boring, rediculous and a waste of my $4.25 at Blockbuster.

I got annoyed, tossed Matthew aside and decided to continue on with some of my favorites: Jumping Jack Flash, The Notebook, Bridget Jones, The Count of Monte Cristo and Big Trouble in Little China. All in all, a good amount of laughing and crying ensued for the rest of the day.

I saved my other rental for last...."The Wedding Date." This was actually a cute little date movie. There's a scene where Dylan McDermott says, "I think I'd miss you, even if we had never met..." Awwwwww! *Swoon* Now why don't real men say things like that?

Please Take A Moment...

If anybody is fooling around on blogger this weekend I ask that you take a moment and visit Ashley Chairiet's sight.

She has an amazing gift with words. However, I think she's feeling a little down today. She's a strong woman and I would like more people to be able to share her work and give her the support that I've been fortunate enough to receive.

Katie...You Owe Me Big Time

I will have you know that it is 5:00am and your son is awake...thus, I am awake.

This is was us 5 minutes ago...

You owe me...

Public Service

I think there should be someway to blatantly mark a man so all women will be aware of the size of his...*ahem* 'business' before they decide to sleep with him. Perhaps some sort of barcode is in order. I'm not trying to degrade men...as a woman, I'm simply trying to find a way that will: A.) keep us from wasting our time. And B.) Save us any physical pain or disappointment. It's for the greater good...really.

My problem is this...have you any idea what a disappointment it is to bring a guy home (whether it's someone you're newly dating or just hooked up with) thinking you're going to have amazing sex...unitl you realize the guy is only a little bigger than your little finger? ERRRRRRRRRRRR!!! Put on the brakes!!! I have had this happen to me not once...but twice. Thank god neither of them was a serious boyfriend...we would have had to break up.

The second problem is the flip side of this little dilemma. We need to be aware if you're TOO big. Why?...because it is PAINFUL! I've only faced one of these in my life and it very nearly scared me away. My immediate thought was, "What am I supposed to do with that?"

A friend of mine faced this very task over the weekend and now 5 days later, she's still walking funny. I realized after the fact that I had been unconsciously squeezing my legs together the whole time she was telling me the story....

So please guys...let's just think of it as....a public service...

Everything you wanted to know about Linny

Unless there is another question you'd like answered....here ya go.

Name someone with the same birthday as you.
That blond guy from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

Where was your first kiss?
Oh geez. In a movie theater. I didn't know what I was doing and his mouth swallowed my face. I thought, "if this is what kissing is like, I never want to do it again!"

Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property?
Never. I'm not a rule breaker. Well, ok...once I got really drunk at a friend's house. I ran out to her car to get something and broke the key off in the door...so I didn't really vandalize, I broke her property but it was an accident! She had to get in on the passenger side for awhile.

Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
My brothers...Well, you read my post last week! They deserved it...constantly.

Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people?
I got drunk and karaoked "Funky Cole Medina" (however you spell it) at the company christmas party.

What's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex?
Their eyes and their smile...then I check out their shoulders and work my way down...

What do you order at the Coffee Bean?
Nada...I hate coffee. Pass the hot chocolate instead.

What is your biggest mistake?
Worked my early 20's away and didn't finish school instead.

Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
Am I stupid? I don't like pain.

Say something totally random about yourself.
I'm a freckle face...across my nose and cheeks.

Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Not that I'd cop to.

Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
I don't like the new ones but I collect 80's cartoons on DVD.

Did you have braces?
No but I had silver caps on my four front teeth when I was little. Always caused a glare when my picture was taken.

Are you comfortable with your height?
No. I'm almost 5'8 and all my friends are much shorter so I feel like a giantess. :0(

What is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has done for you?
He said, "I love you more than I like chicken..."

When do you know it's love?
When you can't live without them.

Do you speak any other languages?
A little spanish...enough to know when the mexicans are talking about my boobs and to tell them to fuck off.

Have you ever been to a tanning salon?
On occasion but not often.

What magazines do you read?
People

Have you ever ridden in a limo?
Once for prom and once for a bachelorette party...at some point in the evening I was somewhat nude both times.

Has anyone you were really close to passed away?
My Granny passed away a few years back.

Do you watch MTV?
Laguna Beach baby!! Will Kristen ever be nice to Steven?

What's something that really annoys you?
People with bad manners.

What's something you really like?
Bubble Yum Bubble Gum...I love blowing bubbles.

Do you like Michael Jackson?
I like old school Michael Jackson music...not the crackhead he is now.

Can you dance?
Hell no. I'm the whitest, white girl you'll ever meet.

What's the latest you have ever stayed up?
24 hours when my bad influence friends would drag me out clubbing after work. (Andrea...I know you're reading this...fess up and take the blame.)

Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
No...have never been seriously ill but just about everyone else in my family has.

Do you actually read these when other people fill them out?
Yup...usually.

"My eyes are an ocean in which my dreams are reflected." -Anonymous

They say that eyes are the window to the soul...I've often wondered what great secrets mine are sharing.

What do your eyes say about you?

Confessional

Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I have been lusting after the new pharmacy technician at Kroger...

Oh dear goodness, he is so hot...whew! A little on the short side but everything else about him is right up my alley. Broad shoulders, dark hair, dark eyes, olive skin...very sexy. Would it be too forward for me to ask him to marry me? Maybe that's coming on a bit strong...perhaps I should start off with, "Would you like to slip in the back for a quickie?"

I have to admit that I allowed my 'shopping' to lead me past the Pharmacy area on multiple occasions so that I could ogle the eye candy. Ahhhhh...I'm thinking tonight will be full of nice dreams. He he he he.

Oh Holy Hannah

I have lived in my current apartment for 7 months and last night I realized something that I had never before noticed. It was dark and as I was getting into my car I looked up at my bedroom window which faces the parking lot and I casually noted that I had left the light on. As I shut the car door...I realized with a gasp, that even with the blinds closed...you could see EVERYTHING through my bedroom window. My headboard, an armoir....and with a shudder I realized that everyone must also be able to see me as well. My mind immediately began to race, counting the number of times I had changed clothes in front of that very window. Holy crap! Since the blinds were closed I had never given it a second thought. It's a good thing I live on the 3rd floor instead of the 1st or 2nd. Maybe not too many people have noticed. Regardless, I think I'll be shopping for curtains soon and changing in the bathroom until then.

Oh....Yeah.

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

So Not Funny

I have had the fortune or misfortune (however you look at it) to grow up with three brothers. They are all younger than me (though they all tower over me now) but age never stopped them from harrassing the hell out of me.

One night when I was about 17, I awoke around 1:00 AM when my phone started ringing. When I answered, there was no one there, so I attributed it to a wrong number and tried to snuggle back under the covers until I heard a scratching noise outside of my window. Thinking it was my dog clawing at my window again, I cursed at him to go away...but the scratching continued. Completely annoyed, I threw the covers off my bed and stomped over to the window. I was half asleep but because of that, the darkness and my curtains, I didn't realize that my window was now halfway open. When I rested my hand on the ledge, an arm lunged out of the darkness and grabbed my wrist and began pulling me out the window. The only thing I could see was someone in black wearing that mask from "Scream." I was so terrified that I couldn't even scream. My voice was caught in my throat and I tried to fight back but during the struggle I was suddenly caught by a second pair of hands that helped to pull me out the window.

Suddenly I burst into tears. Then, just as quickly as it had begun, it was over. After successfully pulling me halfway through my bedroom window, I was released. Through my sobs I could hear my brothers laughing hysterically as they removed their masks. Evil evil boys.

I don't think my parents even grounded them.

Nightmares

I had such a terrible nightmare last night. Seriously. It was one of those that you think are completely real and you find yourself literally begging for it to all be a dream.

I was pleading with myself to wake up...I tried vainly to make my body move but my limbs were like dead weights. I began shouting at myself, desperation at a fever pitch. I was wandering alone on a dark, empty street searching and screaming. Tears running down my face as I looked for a doorway home, out of this nightmare...and then I finally woke. My palms were sweaty, my heart was racing and pure terror was coursing through my body. I don't have these types of dreams often but this one involved my nephew and I have never felt more helpless or panick stricken in my life.

I have always had strange dreams so I began keeping a dream journal several years ago. I usually keep a pad of paper and a pen near my bed so when I'm slowly coming out of the dream, I jot down as much as I can remember and then I pass out again leaving my notes to be deciphered at a later time. It's always interesting to go back and read over them because a lot of the dreams are waaay out there. I swear, I have never touched any sort of drug in my entire life but in some of these dreams you'd honestly believe that I was on something. It's a bit crazy but at least it gives me good material to draw on for the stories that I write.

I've mentioned before that probably 95% of my close friends are guys. Well, I guess you get what you ask for...

I think I can safely say that they think of me as one of the guys, but with breasts...that they like to tease me about. When I walk into a bar to meet them, I'll suddenly hear chants of "Hooters, Hooters, Hooters!" And for my birthday one year they got me a Hooters tank top.
So thoughtful aren't they? Hmmm. Pervy is more like it. :0)

On my birthday this summer we had dinner at the restaurant one of my friends works at. At the end of the
meal, he had the staff come out and sing to me around this bowl of ice cream. I'm not sure which embarrassed me more....

If they're not trying to draw attention to my boobs, they're trying to immitate them...
Boys, they're so immature...but you've got to love them.

My Hairdresser...My Confidant

Guys, don't worry. I know that this is one post you probably cannot relate to...or maybe you can...hmmmm.

Just exactly what is it about going to your hairdresser that makes you want to spill your guts? I'm serious. When I got my hair cut last weekend, I settled into the comfy chair and found myself telling my stylist all about the reunion and The Ho and then we got to talking about my most recent exboyfriend and why it didn't work out...ya da ya da ya da. I realized that I was telling her things that normally only my closest friends know and I had no qualms about it. The girl that does my hair is a cool chic. She's easy to talk to and she remember EVERYTHING...so the next time you come in she's good about asking how things in your life are going.

I don't know what it is about those salon chairs but somehow it's like you're sitting in a confessional waiting to divulge all of your dirty little secrets.
____________________________________________________________

On a side note....I'm sooooooo excited!! The new Robert Jordan book (Book 11 in The Wheel of Time series) comes out today!!! I've been waiting forever. I wish there was a bookstore open right now but it looks like I'll have to wait until lunch time. Yipee!!!!!!!! Sorry, Robert Jordan is just my favorite author ever...if any of you like Fantasy...you should definetly pick up the first book in the series "The Eye of the World."

Deep Southern Secrets

Anyone who lives in the deep south understands that we all have some secrets that we'd like to hide in a deep, dark closet and never bring out. These secrets are... our redneck hick trailor trash relatives (every family has a few). Yes, the ones that sit in their front yards, shirts off, big, hairy bellies sticking out, drinking beer and running a hand through their mullets while they have "Sweet Home Alabama" blaring from their pick up trucks and a rebel flag blowing in the breeze. You may walk by them while they're chugging Budweiser but once they spot you, they'll give you a big toothless grin and bellow, "Get R Done!!!" Then they'll spit out some of their chewin tobacco and resume playing the air guitar. If you're extra nice they might even take you in and show you their belt buckle collection.

How Morbid is This?

You are Changing Leaves

Pretty, but soon dead.

What Part of Fall Are You?

Parking Space Stalkers

Okay what is it with parking space stalkers? You know the kind I'm talking about. The ones that coast behind you when you walk down a parking aisle at the store so they can see if you have an ideal space for them to steal. For the record, if I realize someone is doing that to me, I purposefully walk past my car or cut across to the next lane. Go stalk someone else because you will NOT get my space.

The worst offenders are the ones that pull up when you're trying to unload your buggy and they just sit there, staring at you. I always look at them like, MF, I know you are not sitting there trying to rush ME! Assholes. Now, if someone is immediately getting into their car, sometimes I might slow down but if they've got a cart FULL of groceries...don't stop!!! Go find another space. How rude is that?! Are you so freakin' lazy that you can't stand to walk 5 more feet to the door? When the stalkers do this to me, I have been known to load my bags in the car, return my buggy to the corral and then walk BACK into the store. Ahhh yes, I can be a spiteful bitch.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I cannot accept,
and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had
to kill today because they pissed me off.

And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on
today as they may be connected to the ass that I may
have to kiss tomorrow.

And help me to remember...
When I'm having a really bad day, and it seems that
people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles
to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell
them all to bite me!

My Favorite Shirt

I bought this shirt at a thrift store a few years ago and it is my absolute favorite. It's so comfy. It always gets lots of comments when I wear it out, I don't know why....


P.S. This is what you get when Linny is having writer's block.

No Means No

When a woman says "no" to a man...what is it that he doesn't seem to understand? The little runt that followed me around ALL night Saturday was one of these men. He kept asking me to dance...I kept telling him no. He'd persist and try to pull me out of my chair. I planted my feel firmly on the ground and again said no. He starts buying me beers in hopes that I will get drunk and change my mind. I told him flat out, "Stop buying me beers...there is no way I'm going to go out there and dance!" Still he persisted. I couldn't get away from him...he was like a pesky fly. Everywhere I went, he followed, I just wanted to squash him.

When the country club started kicking us out so they could close, many of us went to The Whistlepost Tavern (the local hang out). Guess who follows us there...yup and he sat himself at our table and continues the annoying chatter. Thank freakin' goodness one of my best friends, Jeff, works there and was our server. I whispered my little dilemma in his ear and he grinned at me wickedly. For the rest of the night, Jeff acted as my boyfriend. He'd pretend to whisper things in my ear as he walked by and we were very touchy feely...Fortunately for me, it worked. I think Chris definetly got the hint. Jeff, buddy, thanks for having my back! I owe you.

Tell me what you think

I was speaking to my friend Allen about finding a 'nice guy' and since he claims to be one....he decided to write an essay for women such as myself on how to find one. Now, I must tell you that I read his essay and advised him that I had a feeling it was going to be slightly controversial because there are many different types of 'nice guys' and not all of them share his particular moral and ethical values or his other beliefs. Hell I don't share his beliefs either (so don't feel bad if you disagree with him) , this type of nice guy isn't what I'm looking for but I'm sure he's perfect for someone else...Allen understands that these are his opinions alone and wanted to share them. He would really like some feed back so if you have a free moment, please click HERE and peruse his work.

I Demand a Refund

Oh geez. Where to start? I guess I'll just do a brief summary for now and go into more detail later...I hate when people always write really long posts so I'm conscience about keeping mine at a reasonable length. I don't want you people to skip me because I'm being wordy.

First of all, it was just like being in high school all over again. There were still the cliques and no one was really willing to associate with anyone who was outside of their clique. Cathy and I walked in and all I saw were all the people I never associated with in school...aka the snooty kids. For one reason or another, the people I was looking forward to seeing never showed. (And Courtney, for the record, The Ho never showed. I was so pissed...but Cathy has convinced me it is because she has gotten so fat that she was unable to show her face...I'm going to choose to believe that.) Most of the snooty girls were still skinny and were getting drunk and acting like idiots. The guys were all going bald so I saw more shaved heads than I had originally thought. There were no beer chugging contests, however there was an unfortunate incident on the dance floor with one of the snooty girls dancing dirty with another chic and then flashing her, um, 'business' to the whole crowd. This is why you wear undies.

Since I had never even spoken to many of these people, it should be no surprise what happened when I ran into one of them in the bathroom. She smiles at me and says, "Are you having a good time?" "Yes," I lied. She smiled again, "Good, who are you here with?" Sweet Jesus. She thought I was someone's date.

Thankfully, people I knew started showing up and we chatted. I spent the majority of the evening being harassed by this little guy would kept hitting on me. I'm not shitting you when I say he comes up to boob level...he's only a little over 5'0 ft. When a girl says she doesn't want to dance...take no for what it means and walk away. Ugh! Okay, so then I ran into my exboyfriend and his wife. *way weird* ...at least until I'd had a couple of beers. He looks the same, still nice and still funny but he never got far without her right at his shoulder. I was pleased to notice that she is rather plump these days....ha. Score one for Linny for being hotter than the new wife. It's terrible but I wonder what he thought.

Okay, enough boring you...I'll save the rest for later...

Huh...

Oh my...much to tell...no time yet in which to tell it....