Hello and Goodbye

This year has been a whirlwind.

I've loved and I've lost. And...I've learned to let go.

But most importantly, I'm looking forward to the new year and all of the grand things it holds for me. I've found peace and happiness in the unlikliest of places and I want to bottle it up for safekeeping. Though for now, it is neatly folded and sealed in an envelope, trekking across miles and oceans and mountains.

It's an eerie feeling to know that the fate of your future no longer lies in your hands. (At least temporarily.) So for now...we wait. But I can guarantee that most of you will be shocked right down to your knickers. :o)

When One Door Closes...

Sometimes in life, things that are good for you...can also be painful.

Exactly one year to the date, I finally have closure.

It came unexpectedly and without prompts. I didn't even realize it was happening...truth be told, I think he is oblivious to my enlightenment. But no matter.

He could've loved me forever. He could've had my heart. He could've done a lot of things.

But he didn't.

So I let go.

I can feel my heart mourning the loss. But sometimes you have to walk through hell to get to heaven and I know this was just part of the journey to my happy ending. One chapter coming to a close and a new one still wet with ink.

All Mine

Have you ever let something get under your skin...something that is so fantastically stupid, that you feel exasperated at yourself for feeling that way?

Yeah well, I suffered from a humiliating bout of pouting this weekend. An act so completely rediculous that I am embarrassed to even admit it.

*Sigh*

Ok, so it's like this...I learned that a man that I had dated very, very briefly this year...is now dating someone else and for some unexplained reason, I found myself a little miffed and caught off guard.

The punchline to this whole debacle is that I never really like him romantically to begin with. I have no interest in dating him now and honestly I hardly ever even talk to him. Yet, for some reason, when I found out...there was an immediate and unexpected flicker of jealousy.

Like, 'I saw him first.'

I realize it is selfish and stupid but part of me feels like I have a claim staked. And while I don't want him...I don't want anyone else to have him either.

You needn't worry...I'm entirely aware of how rediculous I sound and I'm not proud.

Lickedy Split

In London last year, my best friend Cathy and I spent a fair amount of time on the Underground, where, in all fairness we were slightly wary because it was right after the train bombings in London. But you know, we're big girls so we sucked it up and everything was actually going fine until one day the gentle rocking of our train car came to a halt and we glanced up to find that our once crowded car was now empty with the exception of two odd looking, tattered suitcases sitting right across from us.

There was a quiet pause before Cathy cleared her throat. "Um, Lindsey...do you think maybe we should just get off here and grab the next train? You know...just in case."

I glanced down at the bags, "I'm sure it's nothing but yeah, maybe that's a good idea..." No sooner had the words left my mouth, that I realized I wasn't talking to Cathy, I was talking to the empty seat next to me.

I was alone.

In the car.

WITH the bags.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccckkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!

I swiveled around in my seat in time to catch a glimpse of Cathy's red hair on the other side of the window. Muttering a string of curse words, I grabbed my bag and hurried after her. I had one foot out the door when...WHAM! The train doors slammed closed on me. Leaving half of me dangling out of the train and the other half wiggling furiously on the inside. When the doors didn't re-open immediately...I started to panic.

Oh my god...is THIS how I'm going to die? Am I going to forever be known as the girl that died when her boobs got stuck in the train door?!

At get togethers people will say, do you remember Lindsey?

Lindsey who?

Lindsey...you know, that girl who got squashed to bits when her boobs got stuck on that train in London?

Oh Yeah!! THAT Lindsey! Yeah, I remember her.

So anyway, there I was, boobs squished in the door, foot dangling above the platform as Cathy tugged furiously on my free arm while I pushed, cursed and kicked with my other half...all the while secretly wishing I'd passed on that chocolate croissant at breakfast. Then, just as I'd begun to resign myself to estimating exactly how many things I'd go SPLAT against before I was knocked unconscious...the train gave an unceremonious WHOOSH and the doors released their deathgrip on my boobies and sent me tumbling to freedom.

I have to admit, despite the initial scare, it's one of the funniest stories I have to tell.

They've Gone

I could feel words tumbling over each other...falling into place...weaving stories in my mind before my fingers even reached the keys of my computer.

I heard laughter.

I felt love.

Then a flash of frusteration and sadness.

And suddenly...just like that...all the words were gone.

Leaving my fingers poised above the keys...stealing away my story.