Friday, October 27, 2006
Monday, October 23, 2006
When You Need a Smile
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Some photographers should be shot.
Especially a certain photographer at your brother's wedding who takes the most unfortunate picture of you and POSTS IT ON HIS WEB SITE FOR ALL FAMILY AND FRIENDS TO SEE!
It's like this...during Morgan's reception, my other brother Mitchell was playing around and caught me in a head lock, bending me backwards and holding me hostage. Because of the assault, my body was in an awkward position to start with...on top of the fact that being caught off guard I forgot all about 'sucking it in' which all girls know is a vitally important tactic whenever a camera is in the vicinity.
I was unaware that the photographer had cunningly snapped a shot of this exchange until I viewed the wedding pictures on his website last night and nearly slid out of my chair in horror. There I am...body twisted and distorted, shirt riding up and stomach showing.
Oh sweet jesus I want to die.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Cause For Panic
I'm concerned people.
All this talk about men having problems making it around the proverbial bases, has got me thinking. If you haven't done IT in a really long time...do you forget how? I mean I know they say it's like riding a bike but come on...if you plopped me on a bike right now, I can't guarantee that I wouldn't wabble a bit or completely tip over on the first go round.
I wonder if there is a cut off time for your memory...like after one year of no sex, you forget all the naughty knowledge you spent the last 10 years compiling.
Shit...so how many months has it been for me...wait, let me count.
*Counts all 10 fingers....counts all 10 toes...dammit...have to start on fingers again!!*
NOW DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEM???!!!!!!!!
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Second Date Update
So Cathy and her rhythm deficient fella had a second date on Friday.
They opted to hang out at her place with some movies but quite frankly I doubt much movie watching was accomplished...actually from what I heard, not much else got accomplished either.
Keeping in mind that this guy is apparently the shy type, she tried to be incredibly patient...even though at times it felt like training a puppy.
The kissing had improved ever so slightly but it took her TWO hours to finally get him to move anywhere below her bra line. To encourage him she used positive reinforcement by moaning softly in approval any time he built up the courage to move somewhere other than her arm.
To me, the whole process seems more exhausting than enjoyable and I sincerely doubt that I could have been as patient as she was. I would have probably gotten frustrated within the first 30 minutes and would have had to take matters into my own hands.
Anywho,when all was said and done, the hours had crept away and suddenly it was 3:00am. Being that it was so late and he had a long drive home, Cathy offered to let him stay the night.
He responded by...going home.
Now I know that he was probably just being a gentleman when he declined her invitation but let me just tell you...
From a woman's perspective, when a man turns you down, no matter what the reason...it is a serious blow to the ego. I cringed when I heard about it and it didn't even happen to me!
So we'll see if this guy even gets a third date.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
The Rhythm is Gonna Get You
Cathy had a date friday.
Hallelujah! FINALLY...one of us has gotten asked out.
AND he was a nice guy to boot.
*Wait for it...wait for it....*
BUT he 'middle school' kissed her! At the end of the date he leaned in and gave her a short peck...then pulled away (silently count 2 seconds), short peck...pulled away (wait 2 seconds), gave another short peck...pulled away, etc. etc. It was the equivalent of bumping your lips together every few seconds, like in middle school when no one knew what the hell they were doing so they just closed their eyes and hoped for the best.
Cathy is of the belief that this is fixable because it's just a little rhythm problem.
I, however am worried that if he doesn't have the rhythm to perform the simple task of kissing, then this could be a prelude to a much bigger, future problem where having rhythm is essential.
So I'm wondering...are bad kissers generally bad in bed or can they surprise you?
Monday, October 09, 2006
Torn...and Giving in to the Easy Stuff
I had something fairly entertaining to post about. But alas...I got home late and my brain is tired. Which means that I wouldn't be able to give the post the full attention that it deserves.
Therefore, I shall borrow from Ms.Ash and post my prom pictures! Whoa...Look out!
It's Lindsey, circa 1995.
I was laughing so hard when I found these. God...my dress was a wierd length...my boyfriend's hair was too long and instead of the nice limo we were promised...they delivered the ghetto shag mobile. It came tricked out with shag carpet and a huge rust stain on the door which we are standing in front of to disguise. LOL.
Darn, I really wish I could find the picture of us dancing to "Baby Got Back." I think the song was written for me.
Lindsey's got back. :o)
Saturday, October 07, 2006
An Open Letter
I've been thinking a lot about dating and how the rules have changed since the last time I'd been in the game.
I'm okay with change but there is still that part of me that hopes for something...more.
If I could write an open letter to the men of the world and make a request, this is what I'd say...
I want to be romanced.
I want my toes to tingle.
I want knowing smiles, whispered "I love yous" and the feeling of his beating heart against my cheek.
I want a man who will carress my face with the back of his fingers...letting them linger near my lips before tilting my face upwards and brushing his lips against mine.
I want someone who calls...just because. I want someone who rushes home because they can't wait to see me.
...I want to be someone's last call of the day.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Happy 21st Kay Kay!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR Katie...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU...
HOW OLD ARE YOU...
YOU LIVE IN A ZOO...
YOU LOOK LIKE A MONKEY...
AND YOU SMELL LIKE ONE TOO!
I can't believe my baby sister is turning 21. Geez. I still remember when mom was pregnant with her! God I'm old.
I wish I had the more recent pictures of the two of us but mom has all of those. But oh the memories!!! Too bad we don't have any pictures of me holding her down in the shower when she annoyed me. :o)
Monday, October 02, 2006
Something Old, Something New
Having not dated in 6 years, I am admittedly behind the times when it comes to the rules of dating.
So I'll ask you.
In a time when first dates are replaced with group dates, I have to wonder...
Is traditional romancing still alive?
In my prior dating life, men picked you up at your home and opened the car door for you. They paid for dinner on the first date and shooed you away when you offered to pay.
Now the Single Girl's Survival Guide advises that in this day and age it's much wiser to meet your date in a pre-determined location so that you not only avoid having a stranger know where you live but you also don't have to rely on someone else to get you home if the date is going badly and you need to bail. Both excellent points.
However, I can't help but to shed a tear for what feels like a loss.
Here's to tradition and romance and hoping that it still draws breath....somewhere.