Public Service
I think there should be someway to blatantly mark a man so all women will be aware of the size of his...*ahem* 'business' before they decide to sleep with him. Perhaps some sort of barcode is in order. I'm not trying to degrade men...as a woman, I'm simply trying to find a way that will: A.) keep us from wasting our time. And B.) Save us any physical pain or disappointment. It's for the greater good...really.
My problem is this...have you any idea what a disappointment it is to bring a guy home (whether it's someone you're newly dating or just hooked up with) thinking you're going to have amazing sex...unitl you realize the guy is only a little bigger than your little finger? ERRRRRRRRRRRR!!! Put on the brakes!!! I have had this happen to me not once...but twice. Thank god neither of them was a serious boyfriend...we would have had to break up.
The second problem is the flip side of this little dilemma. We need to be aware if you're TOO big. Why?...because it is PAINFUL! I've only faced one of these in my life and it very nearly scared me away. My immediate thought was, "What am I supposed to do with that?"
A friend of mine faced this very task over the weekend and now 5 days later, she's still walking funny. I realized after the fact that I had been unconsciously squeezing my legs together the whole time she was telling me the story....
So please guys...let's just think of it as....a public service...
posted by Lindsey @ 10/21/2005 07:18:00 AM
35 Comments:
this would only work if women had similar markings for:
1. Percentage chance you'll put out, and by what date.
2. Bitchiness level
LOL
Nice to know that it's NOT the motion in the ocean ... and also that the godzilla groins don't have it as good as we might think!
like you said about mine...my fingers are in my ears and i'm running away saying lalalalala!
but you are right...AND THATS ALL I'M SAYING.....DAMNIT
Where would you have them fashion these barcodes?
lol . . . "What am I supposed to do with that?"
I would like it if women perhaps had a barcode that told men if they:
a. gave oral sex / swallowed
b. were vocal during sex
There's nothing worse then getting all worked up and in the groove only to find out she 'would never do that!' after you've already gone south or she just lays there and expects you to do all the work.
katie...keep your fingers in your ears
how am i supposed to know if it'll hurt or not?
women are just as different, some have (hate this term) a bucket crouch, others are so tight you struggle to get anything bigger than a finger in there
I had ONE experience where the guy was really small....and it was someone that I was dating. He was MAYBE 3.5 inches fully erect....AND to top it all off, he was uncut, and ALL foreskin. LOL!!! Of course I never said anything, not even when he asked if it was too small, but needless to say, we didnt last long.
*Disclaimer - In no way, shape or form, is being uncut a bad thing. I just made reference to it because he was so small, that the foreskin tended to dominate the area. Thank you.
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I never had to deal with that since I wasn't with anyone but my husband so I couldn't tell you.
I totally agree! I was also talking to a friend recently about possible color-coordinated dating. Those who are bad communicators wear black; those who are out for a good time wear pink; those looking for love wear red, etc. It would be further subdivided by flaws: racist people wear polka dots, violent people wear pin stripes, etc. Obviously, you would avoid those people...Don't you think that would make dating much easier???
Ahem, ahem. Gentlemen, you're all missing the key point here, which is: Women already have to advertise the size of their BREASTS! Half of our total available sexual organs are already on display, 24-7, available for rating from construction workers, little children, drunks in bars, etc. Having to display the size of your equipment would only even the playing field, not put you gentlemen behind. Good Lord.
And, Linny, I've already got this covered. Smartpants! Coming soon to a store near you!
http://everydayfeminism.blogspot.com/2005/10/taking-liberties.html
(scroll down to find the smartpants part.)
http://everydayfeminism.blogspot.com/
2005/10/taking-liberties.html
I love firefox, but it and Blogger don't always agree on formatting.
Also, the minute I get too involved with labeling people about things like this (although I can't deny it'd make life easier!) I remember a guy who had a similar idea. He thought it'd make life a lot easier if people wore colors or signs attesting to their brain power or skills or religion or orientation, so that, after getting to know someone, there wouldn't be any nasty surprises about gay/straight or contrasting relgions.
His name was Adolf Hitler, and he nearly succeeded. But I'm being needlessly depressing here--an important question is, is it different to have emotional states displayed? One would think not--we broadcast our emotional states all the time anyway.
Half of our total available sexual organs are already on display, 24-7
That's funny! And (un)fortunately true.
This is why I wear jeans. Get pants that fit right and who needs smooth talking?
px,
they are lol
"A.) keep us from wasting our time.
And B.) Save us any physical pain or disappointment"
"1. Percentage chance you'll put out, and by what date.
2. Bitchiness level"
"a. gave oral sex / swallowed
b. were vocal during sex"
I cannot even begin to think, what to say about this! :-)
Just imagine, lol.
It would certainly kill the mystery.
I've been lucky enough to have not had that problem! That is one of the things that I have been thinking about lately is what if I find this guy and he is small? I don't think I could go though with it! Is that bad of me?
Drywall mom's got a good solution :)
I like the idea of smart pants! Although women can fool a lot of people with a wonder bra. water bra, padded, demi, ipex, etc.
Imagine, the water jockstrap or the wonder boxer briefs!!
heh... one of my exes was kind of wee, but he was my first, so i figured what the heck, it was probably a good way to.. um... break me in? that was supposed to be a euphemism, but came out even more lewd, somehow :-)
Thanks, Sarah!
oh myyyyyyyyyyyyy.... how feminism has rocked the world...
i'd like some fitted smart pants... come and get me ladies ;)
Dzer - % chance she'll put out/bitchiness level
Dan - Gave oral sex/swallowed
Both very funny thoughts
Hurray for Smart Pants !! However, along with these smart pants to gauge the size of his package i would like to have an asshole gauge....seems i need the most help in that area :(
Everyone has such great ideas!!! Yeah!
Boys...fairs fair. We'll have to work something out.
And for the record...as far as women go, I didn't realize their was that big of a variance. Thanks for the information.
Aarwenn, I will definetly check out those sites!
hilarious. my first love had a thumb-sized winkerdinker. I just tried to avoid sex altogether because I couldn't partake with a straight face...ever! And I am the type that once I get the giggles I'll be on a laughing fit for a good 15 minutes straight.
My first was too big and he most definitely did NOT know how to um ... ease the way. I remember saying to him when it was done, "Uh uh. No way am I doing that again. It's painful and I'm not impressed." As you can imagine, that didn't go over too well.
Linny, another post that had me go "eeeeeeew" at first. If women wore signs or barcodes, I definitely would want the code to indicate the level of insanity contained within. That is a must know early on in the relationship. I don't want a bunny boiler!
linny - i was about to "do it" with a friend of mine (we're talking about 15 years ago) and i wasn't sure - and when he whipped it out - it scared the hell out of me ... thank god - the condom killed it...
did i just really write this...
oh yea i did.
I've never encountered the "too small" variety, but all my experience with "better than average" was actually "worse than expected"!
I think a smaller guy might be nice. Maybe he'd know what to do with it!!
Plus: If we're going to make men advertise their size, can we PLEASE throw in their "endurance" level??
Some men fit just right...For the two minutes they're in there!!
(Sigh)
That's it. I'm going straight up lesbian. Just you wait...
~ Ash
I'm not even going to tuch this with a 8" stick...
Linny, if you want to know what I'm packing, just ask hon. I have no secrets. These passive-aggressive postings are wearing on me. Talk to me babe. ;-)
lol Trée. If I'd known it was that easy...
I feel it is very important to have this knowledge before our date at the ice cream stand...being 'good' surprised is one thing but being 'bad' surprised could result in a laugh.
Seriously, write this shit down (everyone's ideas), publish it and I guarantee you a tête-à-tête on Oprah's new couch.
LOL!
You are TOO funny, girl!
Cool blog, interesting information... Keep it UP » »
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