Tell me what you think
I was speaking to my friend Allen about finding a 'nice guy' and since he claims to be one....he decided to write an essay for women such as myself on how to find one. Now, I must tell you that I read his essay and advised him that I had a feeling it was going to be slightly controversial because there are many different types of 'nice guys' and not all of them share his particular moral and ethical values or his other beliefs. Hell I don't share his beliefs either (so don't feel bad if you disagree with him) , this type of nice guy isn't what I'm looking for but I'm sure he's perfect for someone else...Allen understands that these are his opinions alone and wanted to share them. He would really like some feed back so if you have a free moment, please click HERE and peruse his work.
posted by Lindsey @ 10/04/2005 07:00:00 AM
11 Comments:
Weeeeellll....
He's your friend, so I'll be nice. I happen to think I'm a pretty nice guy. I remember birthdays & anaversaries, buy flowers and send cards for no reason...
Open the door for you and hold your chair when you sit...
I don't go to bars anymore to get drunk, just to socialize...
But I will have a beer or three when I'm there...
I just find this just a tad bit elitist and anal-retentive.
But what do I know?
;)
Have a great day, Linny!
Sorry, I can't even remotely agree with this guy as much as I can try. His morals are on the right track but too extremist for me. I think I am a nice guy, whatever that is, but my boyfriend and I do go out to clubs and bars, have drinks, and we met through such. I personally believe if a nice girl is out at a club or wherever, there is no reason a nice guy could not be there and no reason they could not meet there. Plus, "nice guy" is so vague and subjective that it is impossible to define and therefore impossible to define how to meet that person.
I think the intent is on the right course, but, well, far too close to elitism and snobbery. What he is like in real life, I can't even guess. But as someone not even looking for Mr. Right Now, let alone Mr. Nice Guy, I would never even approach someone with these attitudes.
Having said that, I think he is right about a lot. He just takes it waaaay too far and makes himself out to be a self-righteous soul with an unforgiving streak. As someone with a long list of fuck-ups in my past, I would not want to deal with that.
Tom, don't feel bad, I told him I didn't agree with a lot of his views either but they are his opinions and I respect that. Just because that's not what I'm looking for, doesn't mean that someone else won't hold those same beliefs.
My typical nice guy would be similar to you and Stephen (if Stephen were straight :0) ). Just someone thoughtful, trustworthy, faithful and kind.
egad..i almost fell asleep reading that nice guy rant...
i'm sorry... too verbose. but i got the gist :)
i agree with wrigley1. i fall into the "nice guy" category and have been walked all over time and time again. women don't want a nice guy..they say they do..but for some dumb reason, they like guys that beat them... but then again..i can't speak for all women.
so..when are u moving to Toronto ;)
that was an essay that i didn't have the time to read this morning, but i'll have to have a look later
Sounds like you're looking for a boyscout...
"thoughtful, trustworthy, faithful and kind"
You forgod thrifty...
I was a boyscout... ;)
I generally agree with the above comments. The essay comes across as elitist and utopian. There's some bits I agree with (smoking) and some I don't.
The aspect that bothers me the most is that Allen seems to judge people a lot (girls who drink, girls who used to date the high school rebel, girls who have slept with a lot of people, girls who know his jerk friends) before getting to know them. Good people, and ones that are probably compatible with him, are included in one of those groups. People change and first impressions are often wrong. It takes a lot of time to really learn about a person, and that's what dating is for, afterall.
The only main point I agree with is in paragraph six (starts with "You can find me many places...."). To find a nice guy in a lot of cases requires girls to actually find them and not wait for one.
Amazing how many "nice guys" there are running around. IF they are that common what is the problem?
Sure your friend Allen is entitled to his opinions and i think the world would be boring if we were all the same. I certainly don't share all of my friends' views either.
With that being said, I think your friend, as lovely as he may be, seems a bit too anal for my liking and his post seemed to drag on with each paragraph getting ever so slightly more ridiculous. Allen seems quite judgemental of women and has an extensive list of what they must or must not do to be rewarded with his presence.
I think we should all have some self respect and be somewhat picky with whom we choose to date. I just think Allen takes it a bit too far, and who knows he may find the one he is looking for.
It's not about finding a "nice guy." It's about finding a guy that's right for you, which is not necessarily the same thing. When you do meet that right person (and there's not necessarily only one "right person") then you just know. It's not about them fitting your criteria. And even then, you need to make an effort and compromise to maintain a good relationship.
I think the fact that he decided to write an essay about this says a lot.
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