Thursday, September 08, 2005

Secret Enemies

By definition, a secret enemy is someone that you don't know well, you most likely don't even know their name but by god you can't stand them and you would like to see them humiliated in the most public place imaginable.

I have two secret enemies. The first is a girl at my gym. I see her everyday and everyday I hate her more. She walks in, in her short skirts, tight shirts with her long legs and blond hair and every guy stops and stares as she makes her way to the locker room. We've never spoken but she walks around with her nose in the air and wears work out clothes that are so tight that I'd swear she bought them in the children's section

She spends more time flirting than she does working out. She smiles coyly and bats her eye lashes at every guy that passes by in hopes that one will drift her way. They always do. She'll wink at them, then oh so casually rest a hand on their arm, then she'll throw her head back as she laughs at something they've said. I hate her most.

My second enemy is the little man at the corner gas station. Every morning before work I stop in and buy a soda and every morning he looks at me like he wishes I were dead. He has NEVER spoken to me. I try to smile and say good morning but he refuses to express more than a frown. He rings up my drink, silently gives me my change and then pretends I don't exist. We play this game everyday. At first I thought maybe it was because he wasn't a morning person so I made a visit in the afternoon. Same response. Now I wish him many, many papercuts.

26 Comments:

Blogger Sherri Sanders said...

I think the receptionist at my dentists office is related to the gas station guy! I was 5 minutes late to my last cleaning, I almost didn't make it out alive!

9/08/2005 6:59 PM  
Blogger Noreen said...

LOL.The woman at the gym reminds me of those in the movies,you know,like the annoying antagonist everybody loved to hate?!HAHa,I didn't know they really existed.Poor you.

Be being a very cliched teenager--I only have a couple of teachers as secret enemies.Does that count? ;-)

9/08/2005 8:07 PM  
Blogger Jeremiah said...

Dang, I'd hate to be your enemy, I hate papercuts. You should show that girl what's up! Beat her down in front of those guys and say, "Yeah, you should work out more, Muahahahahahaha!"

9/08/2005 8:38 PM  
Blogger lorena said...

ugh - does the chick at your gym wear a shitload of makeup and jewelry when she works out too? I can't stand that!

I can't stand when people are rude to me for no reason at all so I usually bluntly ask them why they are so miserable/mean/rude and/or make a joke about it and that sure perks their ears up and makes them notice you. And it's especially fun doing it in a really really fake nice condescending voice.

bastards.

9/08/2005 8:56 PM  
Blogger Princess Pessimism said...

Ihave No secret enemies....I hate everyone equally AND publically. If I dont like you, you know it....But the SECOND i get a secret enemy...you'll be the first to know

9/08/2005 9:13 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

Maybe the gas station guy hates everyone because his life sucks. I'm sure it's not you. He probably doesn't have a Linny voodoo doll that he uses to cause you to have bad weeks like this one.

9/08/2005 9:19 PM  
Blogger Lindsey said...

Ahhh Princess...you crack me up! You actually made me laugh out loud. Very difficult to accomplish when I'm just reading.

Sherry-maybe we should set them up on a date.

Jeremiah/Lorena-I'm secretly plotting a scheme to make their lives hell.

Noreen-teachers count. I had one on my list simply b/c he had really long nose hairs that grossed me out.

Phil...thanks for the reassurance. After I wrote this I started worrying that maybe I was HIS secret enemy!

9/08/2005 9:30 PM  
Blogger saurav said...

ur first enemy seems to be my would be friend...he he..

9/08/2005 9:42 PM  
Blogger lorena said...

oh my god my boss today had about 50 nosehairs puffing out of ONE of his nostrils and I KNOW I stared at them with a big grin every time we spoke.

9/08/2005 9:43 PM  
Blogger Natalie said...

That girl is not there to work out... she's hunting. I don't like people like that either!

And the gas station guy is related to this lady at my corner gas station. I tell her sometimes that I hope her day gets better b/c it seems to be quite sucky so far. She smirks at me but never cracks a smile or speaks. She does make a noise, though.. she grunts.

9/08/2005 10:20 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

Hmmm, I hate it when people are like the gas station guy. So clearly hating their job, they are rude to everyone. Had that at a medical office when they were the ones screwing up. Almost killed someone.

9/09/2005 12:19 AM  
Blogger Px said...

i'm my own secret enemy
it's much easier to wish that on me, because then when i wish bad things on other people it doesn't feel as bad...do unto others and all that
i already don't like the falseness of the gym woman...
maybe you should buy the gas station guy a chocolate bar or something, see if he smiles then, and if not, you should threaten to turn him upside down and use him as a vase...

9/09/2005 3:38 AM  
Blogger Px said...

dammit...since i posted on your blog, i've had "my own worst enemy" by Lit going round my head...all morning
i've wanted to sing it loud and proud, but i've managed to refrain from it


...so far

9/09/2005 7:18 AM  
Blogger Pheebs said...

everyone has "that" girl at their gym...I also hate the people who work out with bras on--their "normal" bra strap shows from under their shirt and I could never understand why someone would want to ruin nice lingerie by sweating and stretching in it??

maybe the little angry man is just secretly in love with you and, like, a kindergarten crush, doesn't know how else to express these emotions to you...

9/09/2005 8:36 AM  
Blogger SirTalksALot said...

Now I know what to call all those people I secretly despise!

That chic at the gym's just trying to earn a little cash to pay for her membership ya know?

Maybe that guy at the gas station is off his meds and hates everyone. But next time, shake a soda and pop it open in his face!

9/09/2005 8:39 AM  
Blogger Hoochie Mama said...

I'm doing good right now. I can't think of any secret enemies that I have right now, but I have had them in the past!

9/09/2005 9:38 AM  
Blogger Thomas J Wolfenden said...

Mine is the owner of the company I work for now... Can't give me a raise because he says he doesn't have the money even though I go way out of my way doing my job every day...

But, in the next breath tells me of the latest hunting trip he is going on... He just came back from a month-long safari in Africa and is going to New Zealand to hunt next month...

9/09/2005 10:28 AM  
Blogger Natalia said...

Erm...yeah...gym people are not in my fave people category at the moment. And it bugs me when people who cannot smile get hired for positions that require you have a little bit of love for your fellow humans... ick

-N

9/09/2005 11:19 AM  
Blogger Princess Pessimism said...

*takes a bow, and wipes the tears* ...thank you....thank you...

9/09/2005 12:16 PM  
Blogger Princess Pessimism said...

You know...i was thinking, you ALSO make me laugh out loud...like that one time when you did that survey of 7 things blah blah blah....and you tagged Natalia, and said "score one to me", i luahged until I had tears running down my face....

you crack me up as well. And you're right....my word verification is "ygaocedr", they ARE getting long...UGH

9/09/2005 12:26 PM  
Blogger mistyblue3 said...

I don't think I currently have any secret enemies.. But I do have a secret friend- She doesn't know it yet, but she'll be my new best friend soon. Does that sound creepy/stalker-ish to you too? It did when I read it- whaever. :D

9/09/2005 2:06 PM  
Blogger Alice said...

oh man those gym chicks are ALL OVER around these parts. i think they breed in the locker room showers. really thin, too tan, wearing makeup while they don't break a sweat on the stair climber... wow, my blood pressure is rising.

9/09/2005 4:55 PM  
Blogger TrĂ©e said...

I think that gym girl is on my blog--don't look ;-)

9/09/2005 5:34 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Is that like the "frenemies" episode of Sex and the City?

9/13/2005 10:26 PM  
Blogger Aarwenn said...

It IS sort of like the frenemies episode. My list of secret enemies goes up or down as my anger boils over or simmers lightly. I hate a woman in my gym class, but fortunately she's not there much--but when she IS she can't keep her position in the room, so she careens all over the place and gets in MY way! I have to keep moving around to steer clear of her! And did I mention that it's a kickboxing class?

In fact, I hate everyone who goes to a class, especially a hard core one, get tired, and just stands there in their spot on the floor while the rest of us work out around them. What, like we're not tired, too? At least have the decency to go stand at the back of the room! It's disconcerting and disctracting to see one person standing there picking their nails while the other 25 of us leap simultaneously into the air and side-kick.

Also, I hate everyone who bellies up to the counter at any starbucks or library or target or anywhere, taking over the entire counter for five minutes while they painstakingly enter their check in their bank book and leave NO room for me to squeeze in and buy my freakin' items!

Yeah, this wasn't meant to be a pet peeve post, but I'm having fun. :) And you're right, those words ARE getting longer. I like to make meanings out of them. Like, mine is wgglmesc, which looks like "wiggle me secretly. Rowr!

9/14/2005 1:07 PM  
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2/21/2007 4:22 AM  

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