Who are you and where is my underwear?
My guy friends and I got into this discussion about one night stands and they were gloating about how many girls they had hooked up with. I, apparently am the only person in the world who hasn't had one. But then I started thinking...does it count as a one nighter if it's with a guy you'd been casually seeing and you only slept together once and never saw each other again? (Because he sucked). But then you have to ask, does it still count as sex if it lasted less than 5 minutes?
I didn't have the heart to tell the guys that I know several of the girls they'd 'hooked' up with and there were reasons why there was never a return visit.
Guys....in case you don't know, we girls tell our girlfriends EVERYTHING. If you've got something weird on your body, penis size (and shape), how long you last during sex, weird things you may say or ask of us during sex, etc. etc. For instance, one friend's ex has a crooked penis, another friend's boyfriend likes to have sex with her while she's washing dishes and...insists that she keep washing them. When one girl asked her boyfriend to talk dirty to her, he said, "can I park my car in your garage?" And another burst into a fit of giggles when her boyfriend decided to try to be kinky and spank her...it was so bad, she couldn't continue.
Ahhhh I can see your eyes bulging as we speak...Sweet dreams tonight boys. :0)
posted by Lindsey @ 8/30/2005 06:27:00 PM
29 Comments:
Ahh...you're so funny....LOL! You've sparked the idea of a new blog in my head....LOL! you're hilarious
lol... marriage has certainly changed me from having those types of talks w/ the girls... if i mention to my husband that i told someone he had lunch @ taco bell yesterday, he's like, "what? who? why were you talking about me?"
I haven't had a one nighter either but one "bad" thing my girls and I do after a break up is have girls night out and play kiss a strange boy. It gets that first out of a relationship kiss out of the way ... and it's kinda fun!
don't feel bad for having a one-nighter, they suck anyway. I've only had one but one too many. Actually it had a vengeful purpose, basically I took karma into my own hands that night and I don't think I regret it.
Hee! We also tell EVERYONE about the one who fell asleep on top of us, right after his big moment (which we never got to have, mind you.) Usually we include address and full description, for pointing and jeering purposes too!
This is so true! We tell all, and I mean all!
I had one really bad one and then one really awesome one.
Love this post!
bhaofI would like to point out that most of the time a man will only have one chance to be good in bed with the average woman. If he doesn't know what gets you off, then he is pretty well screwed as to a return visit. A certain competency is implied by these posts by you women. I ask you: How is anyone supposed to know what you like if there is no communication of these desires? These goes for both people involved in the act. This is straight from Savage Love. Girls need to say left a bit, over, nibble my ears, etc the same as a guy needs to say things like that's great, please don't bite my nipples, etc. I will admit that this is a drag on a one night stand. After all, those are just supposed to be hot and dirty and helpful in forgetting people who suck and dumped us. Women aren't the only ones that talk about former lovers. I will freely admit that I have been with some women that I had to tell them the would be no further nookie and I was only half true when I said that I just didn't feel that way about them. It was also because they claimed competence and were bad at best and painfully bad at worse. The penis is not invulnerable and can be ground into a pelvic bone too hard.
i have to ask if it's considered a one nighter if you've known him, was friends with him and it only happened once.
or twice.
maybe three times. but that's it.
when i was in college i was taking the MAX (portland's version of an above ground subway system) and this guy who was about my age came and sat right next to me and said, in alllll seriousness, "If you were a booger I'd totally pick you first."
i'm not even kidding.
Too funny! I once "outed" a guy to another girl. No, not for that, but for the things he wanted me to say during sex. She was so disgusted that she never saw him again. Worked for me since I still kinda had a thing for him. Keep in mind I was like 20 at the time. What a jerk we both were! Wonder where they are today?
Now I know why I had to fight off all my wife's friends. Thanks for the insight Linny ;-)
lmao
I have never had a one night stand, so don't feel alone. However if it does not last longer than five minutes not only is it not sex but it is also not foreplay! It is like sneezing three times in a row or something!
Wow...Too funny, and too true! :)
You know, I've always thought that I too have not had the, uh, distinct pleasure of a one night stand...
...BUT, if the whole “friend you've been seeing and you only slept together once, for THREE minutes“ does count towards that...
...Then score one for Ashley. :)
- Ash
Why can't you girls keep things to yourself?! lol - hilarious post :)
I respectfully decline to reply to the post on the basis of the 5th Amendment...
I tried to have a one night stand once in college. But I violated the "one nighter" rule and gave him my phone number. Stupid!
If a guy doesn't realize women tell all to each other, then they're an idiot. Men don't tell all, we tell what we think will sound good to our friends.
Yeah, I know all too well about ladies telling each other everything, then it makes it around to the boyfriends of those ladies, then they're hitting you on the shoulder "way to go with Debbie last night"...and then I'm sitting there perplexed....cuz I was thinking to myself "hopefully she had a good time" Guess that's the answer if it makes it back to you with a positive spin? I dunno, but that's why I'm a monk now....the pressure of performing not only for your gf, but for all her friends too. LOL
Yeah - there are some of my friend's exes that I can't even look at anymore because I'm so embarrassed for them, and one that I'm so sad for because he evidently has a square penis. Poor guy. We do talk...
Makes me nervous though - do guys do the same?
hahaahhhha...your post has inspired me to write one of my own--I'll reference your link here.
guys can hang onto the vain shred of hope that we don't tell each other everything, but we do...or at least the funniest parts. in response to Courtney though, I don't think they do...they're nowhere near as articulate as we are. ;)
Trée!!! Good grief.
Almost all of my friends are guys...so I have the inside track. There are only 1 or 2 of the guys that will tell embarrassing things and that's only b/c they had gotten dumped and were feeling vengeful. From my experience, I have to go with Phil on this one. They normally say whatever makes them sound good to their friends.
The difference is girls tell their girlfriends everything TRUTHFULLY and guys tell their guy friends everything EXAGGERATED OR MADE UP.
One-night stands are so-HOOO awful. I only have them, like, once a week now.
I was "spanked" once and literally stopped what we were doing to ask him if he had, indeed, intended on spanking me. Then dissolved in uncontrollable giggles. It was that pathetic. Still get a good chuckle outta' that one.
These guys claiming that they only talk about the exageratted performance of their member limbs must not be good friends. My brother and friend and I are always talking about girls in a frank manner. It is fun and educational. If you can't talk about getting soem with your friends then they must not be very good friends.
Trée :-D lol.
Great post, Linny! Sooo funny.
BTW I think, I know that guy! The one with the dishes. ;)
Yes, ladies do tell each other everything..I know for a fact. I mean don't get me wrong, we tell our boys but we use real simple sentences (i.e. she was good/bad/. But women go into detail on everything.You guys go into detail and it ends up being like a choose your own adventure book! But as far as one night stands they are only bad if you do wake up and say who are you and where are my panties.
One should never as a guy have sex with a woman, since it sooner or later becomes common knowledge how we perform in bed.
And I'm sure you kow that we guys lie about 90 % of our bedroom activities and conquests when talking guy talk? Oddly enough me and my friends rarely talk about sexual conquests. Perhaps because we don't have any?
just got to ask, because i'm english and i'm trying to dispell the myth that the english don't talk about sex...but i was having a discussion with a friend of mine, and yes she and i have had sex 3.5 times, now it's the .5 that worries me and she said that it was because it didn't last very long and i didn't cum...in fact she thinks that if we did count those as full shags then we'd have a higher number...does this numbering system work with all women or just her?
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