Deviled Eggs

Once upon a time, I had what I thought was the "typical" life of a woman in her twenties. I had a good job, good friends and a steady boyfriend. What more could I ask for? Then after 4 years, the boyfriend dumps me. I endured a long bout of heartache and tears, then I decided, you know what? Screw men. I'm a successful, intelligent and beautiful woman with tons of supportive friends. I don't need a man in my life to be happy! So with this new found look on life, I set out to enjoy being single. The catch: there was still a small part of me that was embarrassed and sad that I was single. Pathetic, I know...but it's the truth.

So the holidays were coming around and I was definetly trying to pump myself up so I wouldn't fall into the " whoa 'es me, I'm all alone for the holidays depression." During Thanksgiving dinner, I'm sitting around the dinner table with all my Aunts, Uncles and cousins when the inevitable happens. My greasy, balding, pedifile looking cousin, W. wipes his mouth on his sleeve and says, " So Linny. Everyone else seems to have a date...what happened to yours? I heard you got dumped." Asshole! All other conversation in the room seemed to cease and 15 pairs of eyes turned to me in unison. MF! At that moment I wanted to reach across the table and slam his face into the platter of deviled eggs. I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks but I played it cool. I lied. "Actually, I dumped him. I decided I was too young to be tied down to one person and I wanted to play the field a little bit." That earned an approving nod from my father. (Mental note: must thank Dad). This exchange rolled right off of W.'s greasy head and he struck again. "You know...you're not getting any younger. You've got to be careful...you're getting to that age where you can't start being too picky about who you date. The clock is ticking and you're almost out of batteries."

I was mortified. Not only was I newly single and facing the inevitable holiday depression, but this... waddling ball of sweaty clothes known as my cousin, had the nerve to bring it to the attention of my entire family preach to me about my biological clock. This coming from a man who cannot be left alone with any female member of the family for fear that he'll hit on one of us. I don't know what's stings worse...his mouth, or the fact that HE'S married and here I am still single.

Now here I am, nearing the holidays again and though I'm more comfortable with being single, I think my family has grown even more uncomfortable. So what if I'm 28 and not dating anyone? What the big deal? But the questions come, like they always do...Especially when my baby sister who was 19 had a baby of her own. This brought about more contemplation about my biological clock. Then as that talk subsided...my younger brother (who is 23) gets engaged! So this has aroused new reasons for my mother to phone me and say that "my grandmother" expressed concern that I was nearing 30 and wasn't married yet. It's like if you're still single and nearing 30, then you're like a lame horse that had to be put down. Just shoot me now.