Just Another Bad Date..

Okay, so I'm on a dating kick this week. Sue me. Unfortunately for me, the last date I went on was 8 months ago so my stories are a bit dated. So sorry.

I know everyone must have at least ONE really bad date story where you've been screwed over by the other party. (If you don't...make one up so I don't feel so bad.) Mine happened many years ago...I think I was actually about 19 or 20 at the time. This moron, (Brandon) picks me up and we go to Applebees for dinner. I didn't know him really well, but I did know him and a few of his friends socially so when he mentioned that one of them was going to meet us at the restaurant briefly, I was fine with that. We had just sat down and hadn't even ordered drinks yet when he looked down and said he was getting a page from his mom. (Yes, this was when beepers were still the thing and everyone didn't own a cell phone.) He returned after 'calling' from the payphone and said that his grandmother had just been rushed to the ER and he had to go. He drove me home and on the way I questioned whether he needed to call his friend and let him know not to meet him at the restaurant...he offhandedly says, "No, I'm not going to worry about it."

Of course I totally didn't believe him. So I waited a few minutes after he dropped me off and I met up with a couple of my friends that had just gotten off work from another restaurant nearby. ( Okay...let me just preface this by saying, please don't give me too much shit...this all happened when I was young and it in no way reflects my thoughts or actions as an adult. ) Alright, with that out of the way...my friends convinced me that we should drive by the restaurant to see if he went back there. So I agreed, strictly out of curiosity and sure enough...when we pulled up we saw his jeep...then we saw him sitting there with his buddy. It hadn't been more than 20 minutes since he dropped me off.

One of my friends was known to be a bit further down on the 'psycho girl spectrum' so she took it upon herself to write him a quick note saying, "Glad to see your Grandmother is feeling better." She ran over and put it on his windshield but then we had to haul ass because he saw her and took off out of the restaurant after her. I on the other hand was sitting on the floorboard of the passenger seat...completely embarrassed. Believe it or not, still tried calling me several times after that...still insisting that his Grandmother had indeed been ill. Whatever.

Dude...You Are So Lucky...

My friend Daniel and I hooked up at the theater over the weekend to catch a movie and have dinner. Since I was the first to arrive at the theater, I went ahead and bought the tickets and he offered to buy dinner. Everything was going along great until the end of dinner when he pulled out his wallet to pay the bill and he discovered that he was without his credit card or any cash. Instantly his face turned 3 shades of red and sweat began to appear on his brow as he gave me the sad puppy dog eyes. I shook my head, pulled out my wallet and said, "Dude, you are so lucky that this happened with me and not while you were on a date!" He being the nice guy that he is, came by and paid me back the next day, but it started us on this whole conversation of stupid or embarrassing things we had done on first dates.

I've only got one embarrassing story from many many years ago...but it's a painful one. This guy and I were driving home from dinner when he started telling me about his friend Esteban. "Yeah, Esteban's a cool dude..he's from Mexico..." Me being the nervous moron that I was said, "Oh he's from Mexico? I love Mexican food...." The moment the words came out of my mouth I wanted to grab them and shove them back in. I was completely mortified...especially with the uncomfortable silence that followed. I know he was thinking that I was a complete idiot. That was the longest ride home ever...and no, we never went out again but it's ok, he turned out to be a prick anyway.

And Happy Holidays To You Too, Dammit...

'The Holidays.' Two of the most dreaded words for single women. It's not necessarily the fact that we are forced to watch smug couples walk hand in hand down the street singing carols while snowflakes gently fall all around them. Oh no, that's not it at all. Truly, I can live without having someone to kiss under the mistle toe...I can live without having someone to cuddle under the blanket with on a cold night. I AM OK WITH THAT. Kind of...not really...but that's not really my point.

My point is that we single women can kind of have a pep talk with ourselves (at least I do). We can psych ourselves up and can at least push our wish for a 'special someone' to the back of our minds and focus on enjoying our time with family and friends. It works just fine...UNTIL...you have freakin' nosey ass relatives that like to point out your single status for everyone to see. It's like sitting in one of those water dunking booths and instead of hurling balls, people are hurling nosey questions and veiled insults trying desperately to knock you in the water. It's all I can do to keep a fake smile on my lips and hold onto my seat for dear life because I know at any moment...one of those suckers is going to hit the target...and I'm going in.

And How Would You Like Yours Prepared Sir?

I hate dealing with the craziness of Holiday shopping...the lines, the people. I get annoyed. However, to pass the time I found myself observing all the different types of people that were forcing themselves in front of me, shoving me from behind and running into my buggy. There was a never ending plethora of size and shapes...some lovely...some not so much.

I know this a totally individual taste sort of thing but I was curious as to what type of women most men seemed physically attracted to. For instance...do you go for the voluptuous curves of someone like Beyonce or JLo? Or do you prefer your women to be cute and petite like Evangeline Lily (from LOST)? If I had to choose, I would prefer curvy to skinny...primarily because I am curvy. I once had a guy friend tell me that the difference between my being voluptuous and the other girls being teenie tiny was the difference between being a 'woman' and being a 'girl.' I kissed him.

Where men are concerned...I really don't care for skinny men. Rule #1: My man should NOT be thinner than me. Now, I'm not saying that I want my men to be fat, but I do like them to have a litte meat on their bones...broad shoulders are nice too. I like to cuddle and I want something to hold on to.

The Case Of The Disappearing Joggers

The strangest thing happened to me the other afternoon. I was walking around the park trying to de-stress myself and get in some much needed exercise. Well, there is one area where the walking path curves around a small patch of trees and continues uphill. The trees are sparse and you can see right through them to the other side of the path so there's not really anywhere to hide...(see this is where it gets creepy.)

Okay, so I'm walking past the trees and working my way uphill. I glanced backwards and noted that there was NO ONE on the path behind me. (As all women know...even during the day it is imperative to know who and what is around you at all times.) Feeling secure, I continue walking until literally... 30 seconds later, a man comes running past me, scaring the shit out of me. HE HAD COME OUT OF NO WHERE! Seriously, when I checked behind me, I could easily see 1/2 mile out and there was no one to be had, I never even heard him coming.

I was a bit in shock but I just figured my mind was playing tricks on me and I continued on. On the second lap around, I reached a similar point and glanced behind me again. This time an older woman with a large German Shepherd was on the path behind me. I continued up the hill and glanced back again...but this time she was GONE. I literally stopped in my tracks, completely turned around and began scanning the area for her but she was nowhere to be found. It was like she vanished in mid air...CREEPY!

If You're A Crappy Friend & You Know It, Clap Your Hands...

STRESS SUCKS!!!!!!!

I know I posted this picture once before... way back when...but it applies here too dammit.

Work and family stress has been eating me alive for the last two weeks. I've been rubbing my ears and chanting "woo saaaahhhh" like a mad woman but alas...stress has not only caused me to get a gray hair...(the horror!) but it has made me a bad friend too. I've been so consumed with my own problems that I haven't kept up with everyone elses. For that, I'm terribly sorry. Let's just run through the list shall we?

1. Forgot one friend's birthday
2. Forgot another friend's baby shower.
3. Came down with a migraine and forgot to call friend who was having a boy crisis. (Unforgivable)
4. Have been out of the loop so long, I just discovered another friend is undergoing surgery for cervical cancer tomorrow morning.

Please...someone just put me out of my misery...I can't rub my ears anymore...I'm afraid they may catch on fire.

A Divine...Smack In The Face

Okay, so I'm perusing the Sci-fi/Fantasy section at the bookstore when I hear someone mumbling behind me. I turned around to see this hot guy...tall (like 6'2...I love tall men), dark hair...nice build, checking out the bookshelf behind me. He was holding a Robert Jordan book and mumbled, "I wonder if this is the newest one?" Me being the biggest Robert Jordan fan ever, smiled and said, "No, actually...that was the last one, his newest is on the right." He looked over at me and smiled... it was like the heavens parted, light spilled down around me and angels began to sing. I closed my eyes and whispered a quick prayer of thanks.

Not only was he good looking but he was very cool (which can be hard to find among hard core Sci-Fi guys). We started a great discussion on Jordan's books and then he asked me if I'd read any Margaret Weiss and Tracey Hickman stuff...which of course I had! So we get into this energetic conversation, we're pulling books down and discussing them, comparing notes and theories. I'm thinking...finally...a cool guy who likes the same kind of books I do and can carry on an intelligent conversation about them. Perhaps my dry spell is over...

And then, in true Bridget Jones fashion...a young red head waltzes over and starts rubbing his back.

Jelly fish sting #1...my new boyfriend already has a girlfriend.
Jelly fish sting#2...she's pretty.
Jelly fish sting#3...she turns out to be really nice.
Jelly fish sting#4...she reads the Fantasy books too....which I'm sure he adores.

*sigh*

Currently in a jelly fish sting coma.....

Talk About Deja Vouz (however the hell you spell it)

Talk about ironic. Do you remember me mentioning that one of my favorite childhood memories was playing in the piles of leaves? Well, looks like Colby wanted to get in on the action. Man I wish I was little again. This looks like so much fun...

Goblet Of Fire

So I went and saw the new Harry Potter movie last night. Let me just tell you...it was AWESOME. I'm a huge Harry Potter fan...have read all the books, seen all the movies...plus most of you know that I have a little crush on Daniel Radcliff. But I digress...I think I can safely say that this is the best HP movie to date. The photography and special effects were great, the characters seemed more 'approachable' and real this time around. I think I just may go see it again.

P.S. I bumped into no walls yesterday!

Put Me Out Of My Misery Already...

I FEEL LIKE CRAP.

After writing my post yesterday, some evil, invisible sickness attacked me. I was suddenly hit with a tremendous headache and overwhelming sense of dizziness. When I got up from the computer to make my way to the couch, I realized that I was walking slanted up against the wall. Now, I know I've wished for super powers before...and walking on walls would be pretty cool, however, I don't think bumping into them is the same thing. After some very stern words with my legs, I was finally able to make it to the couch only to find that my livingroom had been turned into a carousel that was spinning round and round and round. I closed my eyes...still spinning...I opened them and there were 3 televisions where 1 had been. I tolerated this for only a short while before I stumbled to the bathroom to throw up. After my fourth trip to the toilet...I chose to stay there, figuring that ultimately it would be better for my walls and my furniture. One of the bad things about spending so much time with the bowl is getting an up close look at just how much it needs to be cleaned.

Oh well. Stayed home from work today (which never happens) and still feel a bit like crap but better than yesterday. I stocked up on sick person food and meds and if I don't start feeling better soon I'll head over to the doctor. Have a feeling that I might have a bit of an inner ear infection.

Knock knock...

Hello? I can see you in there...wait! Don't go!! Hello? :0(

Due to the nifty little counter I have acquired, I am able to see how many people are viewing my page at the same time I am. I've been keeping an (obsessive) eye on it the last few days because I noticed a distressing trend. Lots of people are visiting and reading...but then they leave...and don't even say hello. Perhaps they think my blog sucks...This makes me sad.

I'm a nice girl. I promise. Look at this face...I can't be all bad. So if you drop by, please take time to leave a comment so I'll know you were here. I truly enjoy getting to know my readers...who would have known that my little foray into blogging would have given me so many wonderful friends.

P.S. I'm changing my settings to allow Anonymous comments...as long as I don't get any ugly ones.

100th Post!!! Woo hoo!!

This is one of my favorite pictures of my friends and I. I told you they were mostly guys....In honor of my wonderful friends, I would like to share something that was sent to me.

"True Friendship"

1. When you are sad...I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard/pyscho bitch who made you sad.

2. When you are blue...I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile...I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared...I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried...I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

6. When you are confused...I will used little words.

7. When you are sick...Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall...I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath...I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend."

10. Remember...a good friend will help you move...a REALLY good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if you ever need me to bring a shovel.....

What's In A Name...

Me and Dad

Nicknames...you can love them or hate them...but you can never get rid of them.

Such is the case in my family. My very first nickname was Toot toot....and not for the reasons some may suspect. I, Linny wanted to be a train when I was itty bitty. Not a train conductor, but a TRAIN. (I still harbor a fondness for trains by the way.) I would crawl around on the floor, "Toot toot!!" My mom would ask me if I was thirsty..."Toot toot!" She'd ask me if I needed to go potty, "Toot toot!" As I got older something terrible happened, someone wrote a country song called "Don't mess with my toot toot." This song was used as a torture device by my brothers and sister for years! I can still hear them singing in the car, "Don't mess with my toot toot. Don't mess with my toot toot. You can have the other woman...but don't mess with my toot toot." Road trips were especially long for me.

Fortunately, over time this nickname seemed to fade from everyone's memory...I wasn't so lucky with the other one. For as long as I can remember, my parents have called me Face. The reason behind the name varies according to whom you ask. My mother would tell you it's because they thought I had such a beautiful face, my father would say that it's because of the face I always made when I was pissed off (this seems like the more logical answer). It didn't bother me when I was younger but once I hit puberty I became mortified when the name was used around my friends. Then the first time a boy called my house...oh forget it. One of my brothers happened to answer the phone and all I heard was, "FACE!!! Your boyfriend's on the phone!!!!" I wanted to curl up and die.

That nickname is still alive and kickin' and adorns most of my birthday cards. It's used most frequently by my Dad and my sister but my brothers will use it when they find occassion to annoy me. Truth be told, the name doesn't bother me so much anymore, I know it's generally said with fondness...unless my brothers used it.

Jenny's Song

Let's go back 6 years. I was managing a cool, local restaurant where a lot of young people liked to come hang out. I had a boyfriend that I'd been dating for nearly a year that also worked there...and one Friday night I received a bouquet of flowers that I thought were from him. There was no special occassion...I just thought that for once he was doing something sweet and romantic which is normally not his strong suit. So I call him at home to thank him but he informs me that he has not sent any flowers. Ooops. What? At this point one of the servers discoverd the card which said "To Linny: 867-5309...Your Secret Admirer."

What the hell! I have a secret admirer?! My mind was racing, trying to figure out who it could be. I tried calling the number. Not in service...hmmmm I tried it with a different area code. Some old lady. Another employee who had been reading over my shoulder, said, "Linny...that's Jenny's Song." Like a moron I replied, "Who's Jenny?" He rolled his eyes and explained it was an 80's song (one which I knew of course, I just never knew the title.) So it was a song about admiring someone from afar. What the hell?

Another week went by with no news. Then, the next Friday one of my servers came in from outside and handed me a wrapped gift. The card had the same inscription....this time the gift was a really beautiful candle holder. Another week went by...my boyfriend was by now very PISSED. That next Friday one of our regulars came in. He was my age, cute and was always hanging around (and knew I had a boyfriend)...this time as I'm pouring his beer he tells me that this math problem has been running through his mind all day and says maybe I could help him with it. I smiled as the numbers fell from his lips...8675309. He returned my smile shyly then began to pour his heart out to me. Long story short, he said that he had really grown fond of me and since we'd met, he's had no interest in anyone else. He'd thought long and hard about it and he wanted to be with me. He went on to say how wonderful he thought I was and he wanted me to consider telling my boyfriend that I wanted to see other people. I of course was completely in shock. NEVER in my life...before then or even now...has anyone said such kind things to me or gone to such great lengths to impress me. It is a fond memory...I still have the cards he sent.

Because I had a boyfriend, I had to turn him down...very gently of course. But I will never forget, that once in my life....a man really and truly cared about me...and wasn't afraid to show it. If I could just go back in time....

Cartoon Day

The weekend is almost here!! Wooohooo! When I was a kid, the weekend was not known as Saturday and Sunday, instead we referred to the weekend as Cartoon day and Church day. We'd wake up on Saturday morning and spend the morning in our pajamas, eating oatmeal and watching cartoons. Problem these days...all the cartoons suck. On Saturday there aren't any cartoons to watch except on Nickelodeon and truth be told those aren't as cool as ours were. I say, let's bring back the old school cartoons! Let's march on Washington, picket Universal Studios...whatever we've got to do. Fortunately they've started to release some of these on DVD so I've been buying my favorites so that my nephew and my future kids will have 'real' cartoons to watch growing up.

My morning line up: Thundercats, Transformers, He-man, She-ra, The Littles, The Smurfs, Rainbow Brite, The Snorkles, The Get Along Gang, The Popples, The Mon chi chis, Strawberry Shortcake, The Care Bears, GI Joe, My Little Pony, The Gummi Bears...I'm sure there are more that I'm not thinking of. Not to mention all the Tom and Jerry and Road Runner stuff. What were your favorites?

I Don't Want To Grow Up Part II

On the way home I stopped at the park to just walk around and try to clear my head of all the noise and stress. The air was cool and the sun was beginning to set when I found a hill blanketed with clovers and leaves. I paused, chewing on my lower lip as my mind worked and I considered how inviting the hill was. Before long I had stretched out on the hill, eyes closed...smelling the grass, listening to the squirrels play in the leaves...listening to the sound of my own breathing.

Mind you people probably thought I had gone mad, but I was too deep in thought... Remembering the past. Some of my favorite memories took place in the Fall... my brothers and I would rake all the leaves into big piles and take turns running and jumping into them, I even let them bury me under the piles a few times so I could lay there taking in the silence and solitude.

The windy days were my favorite. I'd stand out in the backyard and wait ever so patiently until I'd start to feel the breeze on my face...then as the gust of wind grew str0nger, I'd hold my arms out and spin as fast as I could. I'd pretend that I could fly and that if I just spun fast enough, the wind would pick me up and take me with it. I'd spin and spin until I became too dizzy to stand, then I'd collapse on the grass and close my eyes...just me and the wind.

Like A Ninja...

Okay so lately I've been having these silly fantasies, daydreaming that I'm a super cool CIA agent like Jennifer Garner in Alias. How COOL would it be to be able to speak a zillion languages and disconnect a bomb in 10 seconds. Not to mention all the cool gadgets spies get to have. Microfilm, exploding chewing gum, disguises. I even love watching the specials they run on the History Channel about "inside the CIA" or "The secret world of spies." I know that makes me such a nerd but those shows are really fascinating to me. In reality I'm a super big chicken and seeing as how I don't like breaking the rules....realistically this would not be my ideal profession. But...it doesn't keep me from dreaming. One day I too will be able to take down a 300 lb man with my forefinger.

No, Seriously...That's TOO Much Sharing

For some random reason today I thought back to a night a few years ago when my boyfriend at the time and I came home after a party and were getting ready for bed. While he changed clothes in the bedroom, I headed into the bathroom to brush my teeth. However, just as I was squeezing toothpaste onto my brush he walks in and heads for the toilet. Toothbrush in hand, I turned around and walked right back into the bedroom and waited on the edge of the bed for him to finish. I didn't have to wait long because he poked his head out and asked me what I was doing. Calmly, I replied..."just waiting for you to finish so I can brush my teeth." He laughed, grabbed my arm and proceeded to pull me into the bathroom only to head back over to the toilet. I groaned and tried to leave again only to have him catch my arm.

"Linny, how long have we been dating now?" I raised an eyebrow and said, " Three years." "Exactly. We have been together for three years, we should be able to do things like this and not feel uncomfortable. There is no reason you can't brush your teeth while I'm in here." Then he folded his arms across his chest and looked as if he had made some moving proclamation. I however tossed a washed cloth at his head as I strolled out the door and told him to let me know when he was finished.

Now, I know most couples have no problem with this sort of thing but I guess I'm just more of a private person. I have no interest in carrying on a conversation with you while you pee next to me and I REALLY don't want you present while I'm in the bathroom. A prude I may be but that is not one of the times I want you to whip it out.

Has It Been A Year Already?

Colby Douglas Ayers....

You may not have been planned...but every day I am grateful that you were sent to us.

My heart leaps at your smile and breaks at your tears. Aunt Linny loves you more than you'll ever know. Happy Birthday Peanut.

Way Back When

There are some things (many things actually) that I miss about being a kid. Things seemed so simple back then. I remember watching some special on television about Earth Day and how everyone should make an effort to keep their neighborhoods clean. Well me, I grabbed a trashbag and ran up and down the street picking up every peice of trash, every cigarette butt, every coke can and when I was finished...I was sure I'd cleaned up at least half the world. It gave me such a feeling of satisfaction.

Later, while digging a hole in the back yard, I also determined that it MUST be possible for me to dig all the way to China. So I dug and dug and dug...but everytime I'd stop to admire my work...I realized that I was still in my backyard. Eventually I got tired and gave up but it wasn't because I realized I was wrong, it was simply because I thought my shovel wasn't big enough.

I wish things were so easy now.

After today, I decided I want to break out the finger cymbals, put on boobie tassels and start wiggling my hips.

We hired a belly dancer for the Doctor's birthday today and she just looked so awesome as she performed.

Hmmmm. Who knows...maybe all that gyrating
and muscle control can come in handy in "other"
situations. Underaged server boy, here I come.

And She Wonders Why She's Still Single...

Let's just say that a "friend" of mine has had a really bad couple days so last night she and her boss went to the restaurant next door to have a couple of drinks. Their waiter ended up being a really cool guy. Cute, easy to cut up with and had a good sense of humor. During conversation the server had mentioned that he was 23, which my "friend" thought was really too bad since she is 28.

At the beginning of the evening my "friend" had given the server her business card with the explicit instructions to give her number to the friends he had mentioned were looking for jobs (my "friend" is experiencing an unfortunate loss of staff at the moment.) Then at the end of the night while her boss ran out to the car, the server stopped by and casually asked, "So..that card you gave me. Is that just a business number or does that have your personal number as well?" Due to the fact that she hasn't been asked out in so long, she was completely oblivious to the underlying question he had just posed. So her response is, "Oh no, it's just work." He was quiet for a moment before asking, "What do you think the chances are of me getting your personal number?" It took the blunt question to knock some sense into her and panic immediately seized her.

Basically, the way "she" relayed it to "me" is that he was a really cool guy but the fact that he's so young and he works in a restaurant just really count against him. She's of the age where she's looking for someone who is mature and stable with a good job. If he was a little older or even if he had a more "grown-up" job, then she would have gone out with him in a second. On the way home she felt really bad. Then I started wondering if I was...oh I mean, "she" started wondering if she is just a shallow person and this is why she's still single.

So far...

Okay...so far...things not going well. One of the girls in question called in. Several people that did show up are now complaining that they are sick. I have a headache. I'm trying to get month end reports done in between filling in, in the back office.

I do have a few things to post about later that are much more interesting...