And She Wonders Why She's Still Single...
Let's just say that a "friend" of mine has had a really bad couple days so last night she and her boss went to the restaurant next door to have a couple of drinks. Their waiter ended up being a really cool guy. Cute, easy to cut up with and had a good sense of humor. During conversation the server had mentioned that he was 23, which my "friend" thought was really too bad since she is 28.
At the beginning of the evening my "friend" had given the server her business card with the explicit instructions to give her number to the friends he had mentioned were looking for jobs (my "friend" is experiencing an unfortunate loss of staff at the moment.) Then at the end of the night while her boss ran out to the car, the server stopped by and casually asked, "So..that card you gave me. Is that just a business number or does that have your personal number as well?" Due to the fact that she hasn't been asked out in so long, she was completely oblivious to the underlying question he had just posed. So her response is, "Oh no, it's just work." He was quiet for a moment before asking, "What do you think the chances are of me getting your personal number?" It took the blunt question to knock some sense into her and panic immediately seized her.
Basically, the way "she" relayed it to "me" is that he was a really cool guy but the fact that he's so young and he works in a restaurant just really count against him. She's of the age where she's looking for someone who is mature and stable with a good job. If he was a little older or even if he had a more "grown-up" job, then she would have gone out with him in a second. On the way home she felt really bad. Then I started wondering if I was...oh I mean, "she" started wondering if she is just a shallow person and this is why she's still single.
posted by Lindsey @ 11/01/2005 05:39:00 PM
40 Comments:
"She" could have gotten some lovin. Tell "her" to go back to the resturant and give the cool guy "her" personal number.
And then tell me all about it after you ...I mean "she" does.
:)
btw - I do not think you are shallow in your line of thinking. AT ALL!!
"Give love a chance..."
What a compliment! Nice.
Its up to you what you do with it.
what if he's a multi-millionaire who only waits tables to see if women will love him for who he is and not just his money?
LOL
ur friend is smart...
she's not looking to waste her time on frivolous relationships...
she knows what she wants...
on the OTHER hand
tell your friend to relax.. tell your friend that 28 is still young and nothing has to be really serious if she doesnt want it to be.. you should be living it up! i mean your friend should.
i'm sure your friend would have said yes if FU was the waiter... lol
:)
Your "friend" should totally go out with this guy just to see if she's missing anything. A date is not a relationship and won't take too much time. He could be really cool ... and look at Demi and Ashton. That seems to have turned out well.
Doesn't sound shallow at all to me. Sound's practical. Practical doesn't bother with things "she" realizes are probably just going to bog her down.
It's ok to play a bit but what if Mr. 23 fell in love and "she" still thinks "we're just having fun". Breaking hearts is a pain in the bum!
No way. Set your...um her... expectations as high as you like and look for those qualities.
Never ever settle.
In the immortal words of "Sleepless in Seattle"
Doctor Marcia Fieldstone: Tell me what was so special about your wife?
Sam Baldwin: Well, how long is your program? Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were suppose to be together... and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home... only to no home I'd ever known... I was just taking her hand to to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like... magic.
I would say that "her" line of thinking isn't shallow. I have a "friend" who would agree with yours. But if "she" just wanted to have some fun, that'd be another story.
A very goood point raised there Linny..some ppl r shallow when it comes to taking chances and giving others a chance...
so what if he's 23 and is a waiter...if he's got the personality then that's what matters...great sense of humor and easy to talk to are some of the best and rare features in guys...she missed out on a good chance of making a friend, if not making a partner :)
Keshi.
I really think that jobs and age are important in long term relationships like interests and ideas but there is nothing wrong with getting to know someone even if they don't fit the criteria.
I think if you or should I say your friend is interested that its worth a try!
I can't believe you turned me down just because I work in a restaurant!
Okay, maybe it wasn't me... but while I don't think 'your friend' is shallow... just remember sometimes you find things when you're not looking for them....
Consider this: maybe age isn't that important. I know, in my little world, my best friend (who also happens to be a guy) (who also happens to be really hot) (better yet, who also happens to be really funny and really fun to be with) is eight years older than me... (well, seven years, eleven months, two weeks... but who's counting?). Okay, enough with the parentheses already.
Seriously, if this guy is really a cool guy, tell your "friend" to go for it. I know that age is definitely not a factor that is holding me back. If he is young, immature, etc. that will probably become apparant very quickly. If it is a factor, dump 'em. If not, then maybe you'll be dating a young bill gates or something awesome like that. You never know...
well, maybe he is studying to be something real worthy in societies eyes and this is just how he makes ends meet in the meantime?
if you're too picky in your garden eventually most of the flowers will just begin to look like weeds to you as well if they're not perfect, and soon all you'll have is a mound of dirt surrounding you.
that said, I've never had a garden.
in the film singles, the lead female has a long list of things that she's looking for in a man, in the end she's only looking for someone to say "bless you" when she sneezes
maybe your "friend" should stop worryiing about things and go with the flow
but you can't be called shallow for doing what you want
I don't know as I agree with many of the previous comments. I mean, maybe he is worth getting to know... It's just that I'm always very cautious about flirting, etc. with waiters. Who knows how many girls he does that with each night? While he's at your table, he may be at another table, too, asking her out...
"she" doesn't need to settle for someone who's a player.
Linny, guess I would agree with your "friend". When your biological clock starts kicking in, somehow or other, the woman's mentaliy changes. I would dread it when this day arrives!
BUT--you are definitely NOT shallow!!
Agree with Saffron, it's definitely biological. It's good to know, what you want and what you do not want in a man, but just always keep your options open - find quite often people end up with exactly the 'type' they never expected to.
awww, I'm sorry your FRIEND felt so bad......but i'm with berly on this one...wish you..i mean her luck
No - don't settle. It may sound bad, but if you're not happy with him now, think of how irritated you'll be when you actually get to know him...
I don`t think the age difference would matter, if he Acted more mature.
Give it a shot, and if he behaves like a juvenile.. blow it off.
And people wonder why waiting table's sucks so much. I am so glad I don't do that anymore.
Don't let your friend get caught up in status and seriousness when at the least you get to flirt with someone let alone maybe something more. Fair enough you might not want to marry this person... but who says you or your friend has to.
If your friend is as hot as you then I could certainly help out with the staffing problems... I'm enthusiastic and keen to learn and make a nice cup of tea!
tell your "friend" that her feelings were completely understandable. however, "she" may want to go out with the guy...maybe he's finishing up graduate school or something! you never know the whole story...
Linny - My crisis....well. Okay, lets just say that I can relate to your "friend" 100%, as one of those two, was 23, and worked in a restaurant, and although I cared a great deal for him, the age difference was really a struggle.
We got along great, until his lack of motivation for anything better started to become an issue, and his happiness in "job, not school" wasnt what I wanted.
Tell your "friend" that I understand completely....its easy to kick yourself for thinking that "she's" given up a chance on something that might possibly be good. Its not the reason "she's" still single. "she's" allowed to have preference, and "she" shouldnt feel guilty for sticking to her ideals.....
We're all allowed to be selective. Dont let standars make you feel guilty.
SELECTIVE is one thing--of course you should be!
JUDGEMENTAL is something completely different. Linny, you're making a ton of assumptions about this guy that you don't even know! Is he ambitious? Does he want to open his own restaurant someday? Does he want to go up in management? Is he working himself through film school? Is he volunteering with the red cross all day? What about taking care of elderly parents or working for the Humane Society?
Dude. And this is not about "just in case he turns out to be famous/filthy rich...". Honey, if you want a "just in case" scenario, put your own money away. One does not HANG ONTO a frog just in case he later becomes a wealthy, famous prince--THAT is where it's necessary to be selective.)
However. Do you want a guy that has a great job right now and is stable right now, or do you want a guy with ambition to make something of himself, or somewhere in between? Sounds like you're not sure, yourself. And until you are, the best way to figure out what you want is to date, a lot, and enjoy thyself. Definitely give him a try!
Also, anyone who quotes rom-coms as dating advice is better off dating women, honey.
To an extent, yes, people should look for what they like in a partner, and if there are things that annoy them then it probably wouldn't be a good thing to date them, but you also have to look at yourself and see if the person that they are looking at isn't doing the same thing. Just look at Sex and the City - Perfect analagy: All of those women are so engrosed in themselves that nothing is going to be good enough for them. They don't put dating in the wrong perspective b/c of their way of life. At least that is the way I see it and that is why I think they are still single. Just like on seinfeld, there is always something that he doesn't like in every woman. They are all also deep down afraid of commitment. But that's my own point of view.
I agree with Aarwenn. You have made judgments about him and you don't even know him. I've learned not to do this. People will surprise you. What if he is in his last year of college? What if he is the one that will make you grin from ear to ear? You never know. I think you should try a date with him. If it's horrible you'll have a good story for us, but what if it's not?
I can't knock the age thing because I just started dating someone that is five years younger than me.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do. It’s just that I’ve seen a lot of women stay lonely for a long time because they have too many restrictions on the type of guy that they would date.
judgements are GOOD. judgements are FINE. if you're mature enough to know what you're looking for, then it is A-OK not to settle. some things matter to you.. uh.. your "friend".. so why bother "just giving him a chance" when your friend already knows she's looking for someone older / more stable? yeah yeah yeah you never know someone until you get to know them blah blah blah but hell, sounds like you just spared yourself 3 weeks of awkwardness when you realized your first impression was right, and now you have to break up with him.
unless you just want to get some tail. in which case? young + hot + funny? go for it ;-)
Tell your "friend" that it is only natural to tend to be picky in these situations. And no one should settle but we should also try to be more open, as hard as it may be. This said server may be paying his way through school and at 23 might be done school very soon. But one would not know that from the assumption he just works there and there is nothing more to him. Plus, in the end, job, money and status are not the things that make a decent partner. And hey, if he is cute, nothing wrong with it being a good lay too...he he he
I'm sure Demi Moore questioned the age difference before hitching up with Ashton. Then again, maybe she just took a chance and fell in love.
In my experience, the people that are looking for what they WANT often find it but it's never what they expected. It's the people that find what they NEED when they aren't really looking that end up the happiest.
Either way, I think your 'friend' will do just fine. She seems to have a pretty good head on her shoulders.
For the record...I DO NOT think I was being judgemental. I just think I'm tired of dating the same type of guy.
For once I would like to have someone who has a mature and stable job. I've been around too many guys his age and I think the maturity thing would eventually be a big issue.
That being said...thank you to everyone that had the same thoughts as I did. And I think I may try to take your advice. If nothing else he could at least be a cool guy to just hang out with. And who knows...could be good for play too. Hmmmm. jBefore I left he mentioned that he'd really like it if I came back up to see him. Maybe I'll make a trip up there this weekend and use that as an excuse to learn more about him. Who knows? We'll see.
Linny, don't be mad. :( Only you know what this guy was really like and if you're not interested than you aren't interested. That's all there is to it. I know what you mean about dating the same type of guys. I guess we need to find new places to hang out.
My guys is 3 1/1 years younger than I am. He didn't have a great job history when I met him. Two years later...and we just bought a house together. As an actress I have more than a couple friends who wait tables in their 30s and beyond. Yes, he may be too young or unambitious...but you never know.
hehe Linny I didnt realise it was 'you' :) Well u should go out with him and see what he's like...I know that as we grow older we change our criteria for dating...but give him a chance...Life is all abt taking chances and giving others chances...good luck :)
Keshi.
"She" has incredible cryptic abilities. ;) Ahh Linny, how I regret being too busy at work to peruse blogs--especially yours!
Tell your "friend" that Pheebs thinks you...er, "she" should call him, if not only for some fun on weekends...
You go woman! Erm...I mean her. Go out with him...even if he isn't a match, just being out there will cause you to run into other people. Ask me hows I knows. And if nothing else, you'll have a great evening with a guy that thinks your the bees knees!
Linny, I know what you mean...like I'm one to talk about judgmental! My modus operandi is, I decide a guy isn't for me in the first few dates, and then KEEP DATING HIM ANYWAY. Sort of. Right now I'm dating a stable of not-quite-right guys, and I know that about them already. (Well, okay, I'm dating one not-right guy and one don't-know-yet and two almost-perfect-except-for-y-factor guys.) So...to decide someone's not right for you and keep dating them for entertainment...that's surely more destructive than making a strong decision, like you are.
Linny-
In reference to your 'wish' you left me on my blog ( thx for the comment btw ) - you may not have been able to be there in person, but now there are lots of other pictures for you to peruse. (see the post "better the second time around" ).
If you see anything you like, let me know, and I'll see what I can do. I assure you that none of them work in a restaurant.
;)
Opportunity is a knock too often unheard.
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