Another Nail in the Coffin

When you get the news that you're going to be an Aunt again, most people are giddy with joy at the prospect of a new baby.

To my credit, when my brother's fiancee' popped the news, I WAS giddy. I love Colby and can't wait to add another to the brood. But shortly after the ticker tape parade ended in my head, things went hazy and it felt like someone had sucked the air out of the room.

You have to understand that there are consequences and repercussions to be had in a situation like this...all to be inflicted upon an innocent bystander.

Me.

As soon as the rest of the family finds out...all I'm going to hear is, "Linny, when are you going to have one of these...you're the oldest, you should have been the first to have babies!" Or "Linny, pretty soon your eggs are going to be shriveled up and useless. Tick tock, tick tock."

Then there's my favorite..."So WHY is it you don't have a boyfriend?" Then they whisper to the person next to them, "Oh dear, maybe she likes girls....that would explain it."

Is it My Imagination?

Or is there a pattern here?

I mean really, what is it with men and boobs? I know I've got more pictures like this, I just can't lay my hands on them at the moment. (A problem these friends don't seem to have.)

*Sigh*

And for the record, no, Brandon is not really pinching me (not that he wouldn't have if I would have let him...pervert.)

Bollocks

I was already feeling extremely giddy about my trip to London (only 4 weeks away now). But then, when my passport arrived in the mail Wednesday my excitement level shot off the meter. It's really happening...I'm really going!

I'm still working on trying to develop some sort of itinerary but one of my favorite stops will be getting to meet up with Px. He has promised me a pint...and if we're lucky, a castle. Hmmm, I wonder if he has any cute friends.... Px?

Okay, so maybe I'm a little over eager but I can't help it. Promise not to laugh but I've been watching all the "Harry Potter" films, both "Bridget Jones' " movies and "Love Actually". Snicker all you like but it never hurts to brush up on the British vernacular.

It also happens that most of the books I've read recently are by British authors so those have been fun to read...although, it took me quite awhile to figure out what a 'silk cut' and 'milk tray' were.

Admittedly, I've grown quite fond of many British words, though I'm afraid I like all the wrong ones. Kind of like my men.

I never actually use the words because I would sound like a complete ass, but it is fun to say things like, 'Bugger off,' 'Arse,' 'Wanker,' 'Dodgy,' and 'Bollocks'....even if you are only talking to outloud to yourself.

Lord only knows what the Brits will think of our slight southern drawl.

Review of "You, Me and Dupree"

A Cure

One of the things about having a birthday is that you find out who really cares for you and who really couldn't care less.

Unfortunately the realization of it can prove to be enough to wriggle a hole in your heart.

Forgive and forget. Forgive and forget.

That's been my mantra for as long as I can remember. The problem is, you never really forget...try as you might. But you do become quite adept at rationalizing and making excuses.

It's a skill of the trade.

All week I waited for the "Birthday" call that never came.

I wanted to have faith that he wasn't as big a jerk as I have grown to believe. I wanted to believe that at some point in time I actually meant enough to him that he would think of me on my birthday, as I thought of him on his.

I guess what I really want is to be able to forget him as easily as he has forgotten me.

The Day After

Well I'm tired.

And hungover...

But that's what birthdays are for right?

Everyone knows: Birthday= immunity for the day.

You can say or do whatever you want (within legal reason) and cannot be held accountable or suffer repercutions.

As a kid, immunity included your favorite dinner and having full control of the television remote for the WHOLE day.

Yesterday, immunity included sappiness. I guess I should mention (for my pride's sake) that sappiness came via bottles of Budlight. (And yes Uncle Jack, I remembered to drink responsibly.)

Lots of love to my friend Ben for being the first guy (friend or otherwise) to give me flowers in nearly 7 years.

Thus inducing sappiness.

And last but not least, I am pleased to add that yesterday's immunity also involved allowing myself to gloat a bit after I passed a man in the parking lot who stopped cold and said, "Girl, you fine."

Can We Skip Tomorrow?

Right. So tomorrow is D-day.

I will be 29 and officially on the very cusp of genuine spinsterhood.

So far my birthday weekend isn't starting off very well. Yesterday I woke up to find a gray hair.

*Gasp!*

In a blind moment of panic I ripped it from its root and searched my hair for any further damning evidence...All the while praying that my Granny was wrong when she used to say, "If you pull one, two more will grow in its place."

I don't even want to think about it.

On an interesting note, I was checking my hit counter when I discovered that I am listed on a sight called The Best of the Web Blogs which is very cool. The only thing that perplexes me is that my sweet, innocent little blog has been categorized with blogs dealing with female sexuality. Even on the Web I'm sandwiched in a virtual orgy and still not getting any play. Go figure.

Review of "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest"

Handsy Man

Oh yeah. I meet men.

As a matter of fact I met one this weekend.

Well...he looks more like a boy, but he is of legal age so for all intents and purposes, we'll say he's a man.

He's a friend of a friend so we've 'hung out' at a few parties. (And by 'hung out', I mean he chased me around and I ran away.) His idea of showing interest was to molest me and I swore that if his hand attempted to crawl up my thigh one more time I was going to break it.

When I spotted him Saturday night, I dove behind my friend Kelly. "Shit shit shit shit shit!"

"Linny! Hey...I thought that was you!"

With the words "Shit" and "Fuck" alternating on repeat in my head, I gave an Oscar winning perfomance, bearing my teeth in my biggest 'eat shit and die' smile and exclaiming, "Oh! I didn't see you over there. How are you?" When I was really thinking... I don't give a damn how you are, just how far away you'll be staying from me tonight.

In under 30 seconds his hands were snaking towards my body and I was running away again.

See, THIS is the type of idiot that is darkening my doorway.

The Doctor Is In

I hate going to the doctor.

Why is it that we are required to fork out cash in order to get felt up and we don't even get dinner first?

Fortunately, I have a particularly nice doctor...a nice doctor who engages me in interesting conversation in an effort to distract me from the fact that I'm in stirrups and spread eagle with a light pointed straight at my hoo ha.

Yesterday's exam was no different. We discussed my upcoming trip to London, during which he happened to mention that he'd visited there a few years ago.

See, now would be a good time to mention that I have trouble concentrating when I'm being poked and prodded by a strange man, so my initial response to his comment was a lackluster, "Oh really?"

It wasn't until he removed his head from between my legs that I regained enough sense to recall what I was supposed to be discussing, despite the fact that 5 minutes of silence had already passed.

Dutifully I sat up and smiled as he slid his chair back.

"So, did you see anything you liked?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Pardon?"

My face flushed with heat as I realized how poorly timed my comment had been.

"In London. Did you see anything you liked in LONDON?"

Whoop-de-fricken-do

I'm off to face a baby shower AND an engagement party...all in the same day.

At least the party tonight will involve LOTS of alcohol.

That's some consolation.

Also, have been reminded by my sister that I agreed to go shopping for brides maids dresses with my brother's fiancee' tomorrow.

If you haven't put it all together by now...this means I inadvertantly had to devote an ENTIRE weekend to other people's happiness.

Countdown Begins...Again

Only 13 days left until my birthday!
Here's to busting my ass at the gym so I can look fabulous in my birthday photos! And no worries, I just thought this picture was too cute to pass up.