Rebellion

For over 2 years I have poured my heart and soul into this blog.

I have shared my happiest moments and the moments I was at an absolute low.

This Spinster Diary has been my 'safe place.' A place where I knew I could be 100% honest about what I was feeling and not fear judgment or persecution. However, over the past year...that little wall of security has been been under attack by an adversary that has many faces. From my spot behind the wall...I can see the crack in the foundation steadily growing larger, leaving me more guarded which is something I'm sure you all have noticed.

So now, I'm left to strategize a plan of counterattack.

Do I sound a retreat...bringing this blog to an end?

Do I throw up an even bigger wall and only allow invited readers ? (Which unfortunately doesn't allow me new readers.)

Or do I let them fight their way through the wall only to come face to face with my bare bum like William Wallace in "Braveheart?"

The Thanksgiving Day That Almost Wasn't

My father tried to cancel Thanksgiving (thank god my mother nixed it.)

I might have been more understanding about his wanting to use the long weekend to take my mom on a trip...but this is how he broached it.

"Hey Face!" (My nickname, he never calls me Lindsey.) "Hey, I was talking to all the kids about maybe not having Thanksgiving this year and I wanted to see what you thought of it. None of the others seemed to really mind. Katie is going to her boyfriend's family's house and the boys will go to their girlfriend's family's house....so...that just leaves you with nowhere to go. I mean, I can buy you a turkey if you want."

Buy me a turkey indeed!!!!

H-E-L-P....puh puh puh pleaseeeeee

I can't be certain.

But I think my job is trying to kill me.

Anything that works you so hard that you've fallen asleep on the couch everynight before 8:30pm, can't have your best interests at heart.

Especially when it causes you to miss your standing Thursday night date with Dr. McDreamy.

:o(

The Lightswitch

Men claim to be simple creatures.

I believe this to be highly suspect.

I have found that they are just as confusing and complex as any woman...sometimes even moreso.

For instance...men are masters of the 'Lightswitch.' A dark and evil trait which I have yet to fully understand but have nonetheless fallen victim to. It is the uncanny ability to change behavior or turn feelings on and off at the flick of a switch without ever batting an eye.

One day they want to marry you, the next day they deliver the most insulting and painful blow...you cease to exist.

It's as if they permanently erased you from their memories...while you are left wondering how it is that you are so easily forgettable.

I'm telling you people....c-o-m-p-l-i-c-a-t-e-d.

Bittersweet

I've grown accustomed to the fact that things don't always turn out the way I planned and I've become adept at making quick decisions when the road ahead takes a sharp, unexpected turn.

But even now, equipped as I am with all of my hard learned survival skills...I find myself caught off guard, watching my heart override the emotions I had thought were already in line to handle the situation.

There was a time when I wanted certain others to feel the very hurt and despair that they had gifted upon me. I hoped and prayed for it as my body racked with sobs and my heart nearly ceased its beating.

I wanted the revenge and satisfaction in knowing that they were hurting as much as I had.

But that's not how it has happened.

Instead of vindication, my heart filled with care and compassion and I find myself desperately seeking a way to fix the hurt and I don't know why.