Bittersweet
I've grown accustomed to the fact that things don't always turn out the way I planned and I've become adept at making quick decisions when the road ahead takes a sharp, unexpected turn.
But even now, equipped as I am with all of my hard learned survival skills...I find myself caught off guard, watching my heart override the emotions I had thought were already in line to handle the situation.
There was a time when I wanted certain others to feel the very hurt and despair that they had gifted upon me. I hoped and prayed for it as my body racked with sobs and my heart nearly ceased its beating.
I wanted the revenge and satisfaction in knowing that they were hurting as much as I had.
But that's not how it has happened.
Instead of vindication, my heart filled with care and compassion and I find myself desperately seeking a way to fix the hurt and I don't know why.
posted by Lindsey @ 11/02/2007 06:20:00 PM
10 Comments:
I had that happen once. As I wept I wished for the worst to happen to the person that I held responsible for my broken heart.
And now he lives on the streets, a slave to an addiction.
All I feel now is grief that I am unable to make it all better.
The bottom line is that we all are adults and make our own choices and in matters of the heart there is always risk involved. In the end we are responsible for ourselves, unless we actively sought to hurt someone, and then you're a bad person and you deserve what karma will give you. You Lindsey have a very kind heart and have done nothing wrong.
In the immortal words of The Hold Steady, "It burns being broke and hurts to be heartbroken, and always being both must be a drag." Ok, that wasn't really quite relevant, but it was fun to put in there.
I get it totally. I think that (at least in my case) if you love someone you love them always. So, your heart is always going to trump any anger you feel. And, if you really love them you'll find yourself wishing for their happiness, even if they caused you despair.
I think it's a good trait in you =)
Oh my my my. I saw your comments at Autumn and just had to come over immediately. Is that true?
I'm so happy for you!!! Haha, but will you still be continuing with this blog then???
I do wonder whether forgiveness comes when the part of your heart that once lived for them finally dies.
That says to me that you are a wonderful person ;)
That is because you are mature enough to actually care but those who you have let into your life and you don't want to see them hurt.
There isn't anything you can do. They will survive just like always have.
I'm with *gasp* Yraucta on this one haha!! I think that once the anger/pain is able to heal it means that you've somehow moved on.
I think it's definitely a maturity thing. When I was younger ... oh the drama ... now, I have no bad wishes, just sadness sometimes.
This truly shows your growth and the fact that you are over someone. When the hurt and anger turns to compassion and well wishes, you know that you've got closure.
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