The Final Goodbye

Have you ever looked back at a past relationship gone awry and honestly had trouble remembering what it was that brought the two of you together in the first place? Wondered what it was about that person that intoxicated you and lured you in?

You wonder...because those feelings have long since been suffocated in their sleep and replaced with loathing, resentment and an overall dislike.

As I sat in my car unconsciously gripping the steering wheel with an unnecessary amount of force...I watched him drive by. For just a moment, time seemed to freeze because for the first time since our relationship's demise, my eyes fell on the face of the one who had battered my heart so terribly that there was question as to whether it would ever beat again.

I watched him go past...watched the distance between us grow larger...I watched until I couldn't see him anymore. And at that moment...instead of voicing the resentment I had stored in my heart...I silently thanked him.

I thanked him because if he hadn't let me go, I would have never met the man who has made me come to understand what it truly means to be loved.

Oops

Is it bad when you honestly mistake girls selling girlscout cookies on the corner for hookers?

How To Lose a Guy the Morning After

Now, I know we are all nice and wholesome individuals who would normally never do anything with reckless abandon...

*wink wink*

Buuuuut, I'm sure that somewhere in our past there has been that one itsy bitsy little indiscretion. Like, maybe that one guy you met at the bar that had the great dimples. The one who just happened to follow you home and subsequently tripped and fell on top of you in the bed.

You know...those types of things.

But what happened the next morning when you woke and realized...yeah, he DOES have nice dimples...but why didn't I notice that they rest of him looks like a bad porn actor!!! At that point you start trying to recall exactly how many shots you had downed the night before and as you gaze over at the lump snoring beside you, suddenly you just feel all sorts of dirty because you realize...EWWWWWWWW! He touched you!

So the question becomes...how do YOU get him out of your bed and out of your house? And before you ask...no, I do not currently have this problem but it HAS happened in the past...Ick, I can't even think about it. Let's just say, I woke up in the middle of the night, very sober and very freaked out. I snuck out and spent the rest of the night on the couch!