The Request
Dear Universal Powers That Be,
I've come to accept that you are incapable of minding your own business when it comes to my personal life. If you insist on sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, I ask that you at least use the following as a guideline for your misguided (though well intentioned) hints and nudges.
Before you drop anymore eligible men on my doorstep, it would be wise for you to update your screening process and refrain from sending me anymore...: married men, gay men, men old enough to be my father, assholes or losers.
The preferred qualities a man must posses (aside from actually being straight and single) are: intelligence, kindness, thoughtfulness, humor and a fondness for children (though not in a perverse way.)
Finally, if it is within your power, someone who is masculine and yet a gentleman would be nice. I think deep down we all want someone who will make us feel protected and treated like a lady.
Thank you for your good intentions.
Lindsey
P.S. Broad shoulders and strong hands are a plus!
posted by Lindsey @ 6/28/2006 01:31:00 PM
34 Comments:
See, you don't ask for much. Come on powers that be! Help a sista out.
I didn't see ice cream connaisseur on your list. What am I missing?!%&
All that work. For nothing I see.
:-D
Good luck with that list. I'm with Berly, I don't think you're asking for too much--insert Phil comment here.
Treé...you've got the ice cream covered so I didn't think I needed somone else for that. :o)
Really...I'm not asking much. The first qualities are the only ones that are a must. Everything else is just a bonus. :o)
Does that mean I'm back on the A list? :-D
You never left.... :o)
I HAVE BROAD SHOULDERS!
Oh wait...but I'm an animal.
You never mentioned that in your letter....
oh well =) I'll pray for ya.
"fondness for children but not in a perverse way" you had me laughing so hard Linny.
careful what you ask for ....
1. lawyer
2. divorced
3. has teenage children
4. work at same office
topped my list of "do not date" --- and the one who stole my heart? matched all 4 and now has added a 5th - not viably employed (for the time being, anyway)
Touche'
I feel your pain. I learned to smile and nod and say "thanks, but I have decided no longer to date married women (gay women, babies, grannies or psychos)."
You put it out there.
Now we wait...
Great post! Thanks for the laugh. Add "should be able to give great massages" and you will be all set :)
dear linny,
all our operatives in your area are currently unavailable, but thank you for your time in raising this important issue with us. in the mean time we recommend that you go to the uk and enjoy the company of such gentlemen as PX who will not only look after you while you are there, but also take you to a castle if he can find one.
Ss a higher operative in the great scheme of the powers that be than those within your own area, he may also attempt to assist you with some good advice and stuff like that...he's good at that
signed,
The Powers That Be
(aka Px)
haha!
Linny...well too late now..am married...if u had written this post one yr back..wld have borrowed it from u;-)
Sounds like a perfect list!!
LOL. Px I just want to give you a big kiss!
Hes out there, Im not sure that he is straight but he is out there...
My list? Breathing. Yep, breathing is good.
You'll get what you wish for!!! Some man is going to be so lucky that you wished for them.
as long as it made you smile it's all good
and kisses are always a bonus :D
Linny, where do I send my resume?
I meet all you requirements and can add, tall, dark and craggy too! And you know I'm part-Irish too. What more do I have to do here?
broad shoulders, and good hands that are clean
LOL!!! Broad shoulders is on the top of my list for sure. LOVE that!!!
your request is very important to us.
please stay on the line until our next available operator can speak with you.
your request is very important to us.
please stay on the line until our next available operator can speak with you.
Don't forget good teeth! Good teeth are a must!
The universe has a decidely twisted sense of humor!
Hi Linny- Stop asking the universe to do the work for you. You can screen and find the good guys on you're own. Go find them. They're out there. Stop being so impatient! Just because people say you should be married by now doesn't mean you have to put their standards onto yourself. It will happen when it happens and it's right. See? No sarcastic comments.
Phil...I see that telling you not to leave sarcastic comments does not work.
And for the record, this has nothing to do with ME being impatient. This has to do with things going on around me...get it straight.
thanks for the wonderful laugh and screening process and refrain from sending me anymore...: married men, gay men, men old enough to be my father, assholes or losers...wow u have literally ruled out 99.9% men out i hope u know that .. i have this feeling by ur post u already know that hahaha ..but anyways i wish u luck and find the 0.1% and i wish i find my gal and hope the % is much better in my case
hek linny, if when you do find him, let us know so we can clone him and we can all have one...lol...
Linny- I don't believe it has anything to do with anything but you. You're not helpless. Give the universe a shove. It will move for you.
Okay Phil. So I made the girls start talking about internet dating? I made Scott talk about my age and being dateless? I made an author do a booksigning about his Dating Strategies book? Wow. Who knew I was so talented.
ummmmmm...now may not be a good time...but I had a link to a slideshow I wanted you to see
If you figure it out, put in a good word for me too.
Pllleeease
Very cool design! Useful information. Go on!
House automatic gate Sewing patterns dog coats Installing seat covers chevelle coffee maker 42464 Toy maltese puppies
Post a Comment
<< Home