Creepy Creeperson Magnet

I've always been a magnet for dirty old men. Always.

Let's start with the most recent incident shall we? Well, my friend's father is doing some work for us at the office and while I've known my friend for many years, I've only met his dad once, which apparently is lucky for me.

On his first day in the office I noticed that he continually winked at me whenever we talked, but me being one to ignore things, I just blew it off. Who knows, maybe the guy has a nervous tick or maybe he's hopped up on coke...whatever the reason, I just let it go. At least until the next afternoon when he said to me, "I notice you don't have a ring on your finger. I take it you're not married?"

(Again with this fucking question.) I forced a smile and said, "Nope...just haven't found a guy that could handle me yet." We laughed and he left.

Later that day he swaggers up to me like he's John Travolta in "Saturday Night Fever." I watched him apprehensively as he noticably checked me out. There was a small pause before he leaned in and said, "Tell me, how is it that someone as vivacious and bubbly as you hasn't been snatched up yet? You're such a beautiful girl. Honey, back in the day, I would have been all over you....or I would have at least tried." (Like hell you would have asshole...I would have kicked you in the balls.) Now, keep in mind that he did NOT say this in a sweet, old man kind of way. He said it in a strictly perverse 'I think you're hot and wish I could still get it up so I could boink you' kind of way. Ewww. I still feel dirty.

As if that wasn't bad enought, there was a time when I was being actively pursued by the father of a guy I was dating. No shit. He would call me at home and offer to take me out...he would flirt with me any time I came over to the house...and the worst thing is that he was married. He flat out said in front of his son, "This is a new situation for me. I've never had to compete with my son for a girl...but this time I will." Okay...ummm right. I'm happy to say that, that was pretty much the last time I spoke to either of them. Ever.

Last but not least, you've got the years when I worked at a preschool where I was known to frequently wear cut-off shorts in the summer. (However, I will have you know that I always kept them at a tasteful length.) Anywho, several years after the fact, I was being employed by the father of one of my former students and one night he revealed to me that he used to fantasize about me and my shorts all of the time. I mean seriously...can they not keep this crap to theirselves?