Bright Lights, Big Mouth
Why do I write so many posts chronicling the scrutiny of the single life by non-single persons?Well, the reason is simple...I do it because the scrutiny is a daily occurrence.
Sometimes you feel as if you are walking down a catwalk, bright lights shining in your face, loud music thundering in your ears, flash bulbs erupting like tiny bolts of lightening...and all the while the room is filled with hundreds of non-singles...watching you...looking for flaws, for weaknesses, just waiting for you to trip and fall.
Well, one of those critical faces confronted me directly this week. A co-worker felt the need to inquire as to why, at nearly 29 years of age, I wasn't married yet (she after all had gotten married when she was 19. She and I are the same age yet she has been married for nearly 10 years and has 2 children, whereas I live alone and don't have so much as a parakeet.)
I gritted my teeth and gave the now robotic response, "I just haven't found the right guy yet." And do you KNOW what she said to me?
"You know, you should really think of trying one of those Match.com dating things...that's what I would do if I were in your situation. I mean, because really...you're not going to be able to have kids after too much longer you know."
A few moments of silence followed and instead of punching her between the eyes as was my initial reaction to handling the situation, I took another route. Instead, I calmly picked my jaw up off the floor, closed my eyes and strutted down my catwalk...hips swaying...lights flashing...letting the pounding music drown out the nay sayers.
My runway, my life.
Let them ogle me...because the plain fact of the matter is, while I'm strutting ahead in life...they're stuck to their seats.
posted by Lindsey @ 3/18/2006 04:59:00 PM
29 Comments:
I LOVE THAT! I may quote you on that. "My life, my runway."
I give a sista a hell ya.
Very well said Linny with your sassiness, style, and grace.
Where do people get the hoo-haws to say stuff like that to someone? Don't ya just wish people would worry more about their own lives than they do yours? It takes all kinds I guess.
"while I'm strutting ahead in life...they're stuck to their seats." Abso*lutely!
I have to wonder what the average age for marriage is there? I mean, sure, I get the same nonsense, but the average age here for women to marry is about 33, so I do get some reprieve from continued questioning/advice after I give some standard answer not unlike your own, given I still have almost 2 years to go :-D
Getting married is easier than the problems of a divorce. It is not much of a point rushing into something because others are doing it.
Linny, tell them:" Thanks but no thanks, I'd rather not settle for anything less than what I want."
Make them feel like they might have missed out on more.
(evil grin)
You should have told her that you were already unable to have kids, and stared at her blankly. She would have felt like an asshole for sure :)
I liked that version, next time I would like to hear the cat fight version.
...Tonight, I was at the going away party for my couin whos moving to singapore...I barely escaped the barrage of questioning as to why I Didnt have a boyfriend. That was my cue to go out and drink with my friends.
I tell you, you have to start telling them after all the rudeness they spout out that you can't have children. When they ask for details, fake a sob and walk off. They will NEVER mention it again. Or you could stick with a punch to the face. I like that too :)
next time something similar happens ... I vote for the punch in the face
LOL
Speaking as a person who's been in a relationship since the stone age I'm always very jealous of the single lifestyle, but confused as to how I could've done anything different to end up with one. (I'm not bragging here: ooh I'm so good at coupling: no)
I'll bet she sees your freedom and yearns for some aspect of it. To admit that to herself would negate her existence however, so she tries to mould you into herself in order to remove all happiness from the world.
I hope you are happy with your life, or my theory doesn't work.
Jemima
Linny, a great post. You're co-worker is a moron.
I read your posts on the subject and am always fascinated. While I know a few people bug me now and then about why at 27 I'm still not married... I don't get nearly the abuse you seem to.
Is it because I'm a guy... or will I be facing the same scrutiny in two years.... well... if I'm still not married in two years.
And by the way... I think you would have been perfectly justified in hitting her right between the eyes.
Oh she did not say that! I give you mad props for not bitch slaping her to next Tuesday...wow when did I turn ghetto?
Anyway that was very rude of her. Hey some people just don't want to get married, or they are waiting to find some one how is right for them. My friend signed up for Match.com and she has met some strange people, so what does that say about that. "Your Situation"...what the hell she makes it sound like you are dieing because you are not married yet...oh I am pissed (in case you couldn't tell)
I've gotten that same queestion from people. And it's funny because the people that ask have usually been married and divorced! But for crying out loud, I'm only 25. Women do get that scrutiny more than men. Why is it that our main goal in life must be to be married with children? Oy.
That's exactly what it like, Linny! I am SO sick of that question! It's like they are trying to ask instead, "What's wrong with you?"
One day when someone (a supposed friend who likes to make me feel bad to feel better about herself) asked me that question I said, "You know, I think it's because so many men are intimidated by a beautiful, smart woman so they stay away from me and settle with someone else!" That is the bitchiest, cattiest thing I have ever said. And of course, that's not what I really think, but it surely felt great to see her look down at her engagement ring with a look of disappointment while I gave her an evil grin.
I agree with all of it except the last line. Assuming she’s stuck to her seat while you’re prancing on a catwalk is the same as her assuming you’re miserable...but I would definitely say she's a bitch for calling your life a "situation." Definitely, definitely a bitch. :)
I mean, some people are happily married. Some are happily single.
One's no better than the other...
(technically anyways. I vote single myself, but...)
Can't we all just get along? ;)
In other words: Enjoy the catwalk, Linny me girl. I seriously doubt you're missing anything. :)
Happy Monday,
~ Ash
What a total biotch!
i'm back and up and running after "issues" at the weekend
It is engrained into society that people should be married and not single. My sister has it worse. The religion that I used to beleive in was Mormon. My parents raised me in that religion and my sister still beleives in it. They want poeple to get married at a young age and start having kids right away. (shudder) My sister is 18 months older than me and hasn't gotten married yet and they are constantly scutenizing (I can't spell this moring) and making her feel like she is a menace to society since there must be something wrong with her since she hasen't gotten married yet. It's not only that, but she will only marry somone of that religion that is to a certain standard. I feel bad for her in a way b/c she is her own person and she always being told that stuff. Anyway, I understand. I would tell them when they are saying that to you that it's none of their business and just be plane rude about it sine they are rude enough in the first place to ask.
really, parakeets are over rated and so are people who got married to young and want everyone else to be miserable like them.
Amen sister!!! I'm right next to you on that catwalk.
Work it...work it...own it.
You are the Deacon of our single girl's choir right now.
OMG, how completely insenstive and RUDE!!
I would be very upset at the implication that I'm not okay because I'm single...that's just WRONG!
I'm lonely, but currently enjoying my single life.
I'm not ready to try one of those computer dating services. However, my female cousin swears by them.
yeah....my aunt suggested a dating site like that because she feels that i'm too old to be single (i'll be 22 in a month) and just had to tell her that I don't take advice from someone with three kids who just happen to have three different last names..........
Besides....don't you think that the match.com sites are just a little bit creepy, or is it just me?
heh... i like all the snarky replies like "oh, i think men are intimidated by me, so settle for less interesting women [pregnant pause]." or is she really conservative? maybe a reply that will offend her sensibilities, like, "you know, i'd love to be settled down, but this state just WON'T grant a marriage license to polyamorous lovers. it's so unfair! can i help it that i've found all 3 loves of my life??"
I love it. I join you on the runway, and thanks for the attitude. I may adopt it myself. Of course, I may have hit the coworker...with words at the very least.
Just passing through, I'm digging the blog by the way.
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