Phone Number Etiquette 101
Saturday night I went out to the bar with a couple of friends to hang out, listen to the band and have a few beers. I wasn't there to hook up...I just wanted to relax. Too bad for me I happened to run into not one...but two bozos that wouldn't leave me alone. The first was some dude that kept saying, "holla" a lot. (I told you...it's the microchip. That's how they find me.)
The second guy was someone I had actually worked with about 8 years ago at this Italian restaurant and I haven't talked to him since I quit. He caught me while I was up at the bar waiting for my beers and initially I was friendly and asked how he was doing, ya da ya da ya da. Then he started acting really weird so I blew him off and went back to my table. He came by as we were getting ready to leave and asked for my phone number. For a split second my mind reeled and it was as if everyone in the bar had suddenly been put on pause. The only thing moving was my brain and it was contemplating how I was going to handle the situation.
"Do you want him to have your number?" "No."
"Should you give him a wrong number?" "If he was a stranger, perhaps. But you know this guy and he's friends with people you still know. You could easily run into any of them again and they'll all be thinking of you as the bitch that was too good to give Brian her number."
Ok...so the internal dialogue was going 90 to nothing and in the end...I grudgingly gave him my cell phone number. I ground my teeth as I entered the number into his phone and secretly hoped he would never ever call me.
So this brings me to my question....what is the etiquette for giving or not giving out your number? I know a lot of girls will just give the guy the wrong number. I have a bad problem with feeling extremely guilty about that. How terrible for the guy to call the number and it be "Joe's Pizza" or something. (Unless the guy's a total twit...I don't think I'd feel too bad then). See, normally if a guy asks for my number and I have no intention of ever speaking to him again...I'll just tell him that I don't give my number out but he can give me his. Obviously I never call. This I don't feel guilty about because most men know that, that whole schpeel means the girl's not interested. Geez. Anyone got a better idea?
posted by Lindsey @ 1/09/2006 07:04:00 PM
36 Comments:
Wow....It's been too long ago for me, but let me see if I can remember what I did. Hummmmmm.... Once I told the guy, "I don't think that's such a good idea" he called me a bitch to my face and I replyed, "exactly,that's why it isn't such a good idea." grins
Crap... I forgot my UserName and password!!!!
hehe thought-provoking post Linny...hmm would I give my number to a guy I just met? I would if I like him obviously...but if he's a jerk it's a big NO..I would politely say I cant remember my number lolll!
In ur case he was an ex-colleague/friend that u met now and acted a bit weird...hehe...well u could have just said, 'hey I gtg now...give me ur number, I will ring u some time...' - he would get the msg then :)
Keshi.
I'd have to be honest and just tell them that I don't want to give it out. I don't know for sure since I'm just reentering the dating world. I'll let you know next time it happens to me.
Sorry about not visiting so much lately. I have year end at work and haven't had as much time, but that will be over with soon!
Dunno, Linny. I'm not out there much, so I have no recent experience with this. Your way of handling it sounds pretty good, though.
Thats WRETCHED....And I feel your pain.
On a side note, as I rarely watch tv, I was listening to music and emailing, a friend showed up and turned on this new show, that one with Heather Graham. It's about her life with men, and the disasters that she has with men and dating...I dont know what it's called, but we laughed SO hard, because I could totally relate. I thought of you, and thought that it was totally a show that you would appreciate. You need to watch this show. Its hilarious...
What I used to do was give my cell number out... and then let call display filter out who I wanted to talk to or not... LOL ...If you put the phone on vibrate, it really isn't that bad that they're calling - just don't pick up! ;)
That's a great way to do it. Just ask him for his and say you'll call him. He'll get the hint.
lie. lie. lie lie lie. tell him you are seeing someone. he'll never know the difference... unless your friends rat you out, so all feelings are spared. so lie. lie lie lie.
I would do what you normally do and say i don't give my number out but take his. When i do this and i know i don't want to call...i just tell them i'm not sure if i'm going to call or not.
Option B is to lie and say you are seeing someone :)
Go with ragazza's advice. When you are telling someon no or dumping them, be honest. Everyone feels better later. Like ripping the tape off your arm fast, it is better for everyone involved.
the main radio station over here (bbc radio 1) has a flirt or divert mobile number which people give out to people they don't want to give their real numbers too, then during the show (usually drive time in the afternoon) they play some of the messages they've got from it, it's funny as!
as for giving out my number, if someone asks i'll give it to them, but i never ask (fear of rejection)
I got nothing for you.
Guys never hit on me (even when I wasn't married). I mean sure, they checked out the boobs, but never asked for a number.
Actually - your idea is probably the best I've heard. I always felt bad and so I'd give the number and end up with a stalker.
In fact, I once had a stalker who would leave random plants outside of my dorm room. Let me be an example for ya - don't give out your number to random guys. It's generally not a good idea :)
Interesting. I say "that's what caller ID and voice mail are for."
Who cares that you gave him your number if you never ever answer it.
(However, having past stalkers, this is not foolproof. Sometimes they get bizarro on you and call every 3 seconds all night long. ACK!)
I think I feel a lot like ragazza on this one. Just say what you feel. When/if he calls - be very clear that you're not in the market as far as he's concerned. And don't go with the "we can be friends" thing. That leaves a "maybe" on the table.
I often wonder why we can't just be blatantly honest with everyone about everything. What a world it would be then.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/scottmills/features/flirt_divert.shtml
the flirt divert link...it's funny :)
Tell him that instead of him taking your number, that you would call him and then you just happen to lose it. All you have to do is get his number first and then act as though you are in a hurry and tell him it was nice to get his number and then you never call him and if you see him again, you tell him your phone didn't save it.
I liked giving out the fake number 867-5309 with a local area code. Most guys my age didn't listen to that stuff so I would get away with it. But if you actually call the number, an answering machine comes on with the song so at least they get a nice song out of it.
PX, that is hilarious, I wish that they would do something like that here. I would so listen to it.
I used to feel bad and ended up usually just giving my cell number out, but then the next day I'd be in extreme "screen" mode and then I'd match up voicemails with numbers. If I didn't want to give the number out in the first place, I'd usually just not answer and eventually they get the hint.
Also, what's the deal, when you just want to go out and relax, guys won't leave you alone, the next time when you go out looking for someone, no one bites! Anyway glad you had a good time!
Some cell phone companies give away a free phone to encourage customers to get family on the same plan. You could use that phone number and give it out. It also gives you the opportunity to leave funny messages on the phone. You could have some thing funny like.. "This phone has been stolen from NAME... If you have it give it back jerks!" If anyone calls you out on it.. you could tell them that its still missing or.. you could tell them some long story about how you recovered the phone and then split.
or you could just not give out the number. say something like.. "ha! I am flattered, but no. no!"
drywall...listen to it online
I say give it out and then if they call say things that will scare them like, I am one month pregnant and I would really love to take you to this craft fair in town.
They may call but it will only be once!
i think everyone pretty much covered it. you can ck your caller id, or you could have told him no bc u got a man, or no phone.
anyone of them should work unless they are stalkers then its good you find out from the get go.
Absolutely no idea. I go through the same thing so if you get a good answer, please share it.
It depends on which province I am living in as to the responses I get.
When I was in B.C., it was an automatic shutdown--a simple "No."
Here in Alberta, girls give me false hope by actually giving me a working phone number--theirs even!
But after a short conversation I find out they are too busy for coffee or drinks that night/week/month/decade.
I'm both an optomist and naive. I actually believe the crap they feed me for the first couple calls. But after the third call I retire without my dignity.
Personally, I prefer being shut down from the get go. I feel that is more honest.
When the ex-coworker calls, tell him you're just not interested and ask him not to call you again.
I hate to give fake numbers so I used to give my real number and thanks to call display, I don't answer numbers I don't know. Then he can call but let him leave a voicemail and then just don't call him back...same indication from you that you are not interested. Also, I always give cell number and NEVER a home number which can be tracked down in a phone book.
when i accidentally give my number out of reflex / politeness / guilt / whatever, i have been known to enter their number into my phone as "DO NOT PICK UP" instead of their name, so i don't accidentally go "hmm, who could THIS be?" and answer :-)
Don't give him the number unless you want him to call. It'll save both of you from more problems later.
But now that he has it *comfort!*
I wonder if somewhere in a basement.... hidden away... all those single socks that get lost in the dryer never to see their mate again meet up with the "lost" phone numbers from bars and parties.
i would have gave it to him but not picked up when he calls...
If you're not sure always take their number... always... if it's uncomfortable just make a joke: "I don't like to give out my number since "the internet thing"? Give me yours just to make sure." Then just never ring it... or something like that. You can always ignore him or just hope he only sends text messages!
Linny... it's not about the freakin' microchip, nice blokes cam be around any corner
I hate having to say no to giving out my number. Buuuut, I do and sometimes, I don't. I just gave a guy my REAL number, but wrong area code. ooops!
I’d go the, “I just started dating someone, sorry” or the “I just got a new phone number and can’t remember it, can I get yours?”
It doesn't matter. I call and leave a message and you wouldn't call me back.
Actually, just take his number. Call him or don't. (And 8 years ago makes him pretty much makes him a total stranger).
When I was single, I would just say no. Not interested.
I would put my number in his phone, but leave out the crucial last digit... then if he managed to find you and ask you about it you could just say, "OOPS! I must have had a bit too much to drink!" or something like that.
by the way, my word verification is PONGS. I love it!
Cool blog, interesting information... Keep it UP » »
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