The Fishing Report Says...
Picture if you will, rural Kentucky. Lush farmland, blue skies...and redneck men from hell.
You step out of the door to be greeted by a mullet wearing farmboy with a wad of tobacco bulging beneath his lower lip. He smiles at you and his eyes inadvertantly cross as he looks you up and down with an approving nod. "Ya' sure are pretty there lady. How's 'bout you gimme your number. Maybe you can cook me supper sometime."
He turns his head and spits a bit of tobacco on the ground.
You are frozen in disgust as he smiles even wider and wipes the tobacco drool off his chin with the back of his hand. He mistakes your silent loathing for sexual tension.
Tobacco bulging over his lower lip he says, "Betcha' ain't never seen nuttin' like me before have ya'?"
Hell no and God willing I never will again.
Poor Cathy. Looks like the fishing sucks in Kentucky too.
posted by Lindsey @ 1/25/2006 06:24:00 PM
30 Comments:
OOOOOOOOOOOOO I'M FURST!
:D hi linny!
the redneck sounds hot.
LOL! OHH he's DEFINITELY your boyfriend. Hot stuff girl....although I cant imagine him saying "gimme your number"...I picture it more like
"gimme YUR number"
Fortunately for me this happened to Cathy and not me. hehehehe.
She was telling me about it this morning. I took a little creative license with the tobacco and hair...but hell. That's what most of the guys I've seen up there look like so I couldn't ahve been far off.
Wow! The picture you just painted gives me shivers ... and not in a good way. LOL!
Did she burst out laughing? You try to be cordial in such situations however, i would have died laughing...or had a look of total and utter disgust on my face.
LOL Reminds me of the guy that told me I'd "get" to clean his spittoon if we ever got married. After figuring out what a spittoon was, I was totally disgusted. Needless to say, that was my last date with him. :)
I know I just commented on something else...but I didn't realize that you managed to meet my next door neighbor too :p
Being from the region, I can sadly say that they no longer do much for me. But they're great entertainment for my friends from college.
Screw the midlands! Move to a coast!
Hey! You've just described 95% of the men here in WV!
Ewww.
Poor Cathy.
never going to redneck country, i have visions of "deliverence" from some redneck hick telling me i've got a "purdy" mouth and how he's going to make me squeal like a pig
actually wasnt deliverence set around a fishing trip?
OH NO - that's the WORST!
lol..thats funny....
that was just plan white trash...dont get mad me for saying that but it was...
there are some real nice looking ones around her that dont do that shit....
give me a cowboy with boots tight jeans, no shirt and a hat...i will be in love......has to be cute...not fat..lol
remember i said cowboy not a damn redneck!
Nice come-on line. Does he have a patent on it, or am I free to use it?
Did I burst out laughing when he said 'Betcha hadn't seen nothing like me before'?
No, I just smiled knowingly and said 'oh- I betcha I have'. The guttural laughing I held until in until I left.
Cathy
Gurl, that was funny, poor cathy, one of those moments when you wish you had some bubba teeth and start acting "slow" and drool when you talk.
She could have used the line on him too, hehehe
second thought, he might of just fell more in love LOL
There goes that oh so pretty picture of really hot farm boys just waiting to meet a big city girl and fall in love! How sad!
Why do men chew? That is fricken nasty. What woman would kiss a man like that?
*shudder*
My home town on Vancouver Island is alarmingly reminiscent of that.
That's why I don't live there any more!
reminded me of the countryside where I grew up - OMG.
beautiful place - but some of the men... different planet.
except they'd say, (really slowly)
"How's it goan' darlin'"
"Where's ya accent from?" [what fucking accent?]
"How big's ya property?"
*shudder* oh god. never has new jersey looked so good. thank you, new jersey boys, THANK YOU.
Ya... rednecks are scary... I'll have to agree tho', cowboys are cute...
Eek! Sounds pretty scary! I've met several rednecks... but never anything as repulsive as that!
Oh God, I'm all too familiar with this brand of men!! They think they're God's gift just because they work hard and have a roof over their heads...though I use the word "roof" loosely: many a times, it's sheet metal. ;)
Anyways, can I just say: this piece and your last one...SO well-written!! I mean, you always write well, but there's just something about them that hums. Rings. JUMPS from the page!! Really good stuff you've got here.
Anyways, enough gushing. I hope you're well. Have a great weekend, my friend!
Take care,
~ Ash
I can't believe that did not make her swoon (said with mock surprise). All he needed to add was "You stink good"
Unreal. They just keep gettn' sweeter, don't they?? lol
the only redneck i ever liked was a passionate hickie. only two letters seperate a hick from hickie.
Mullets and tobacco isn't a turn on? damn, I've got to change my look again!
That's a great story. Waiting for more. » »
Post a Comment
<< Home