Smashing the Clock

I remember when I started this blog four years ago. Newly heartbroken, facing the holidays and wondering how I was going to convince my grandparents that being single did not mean that I was a lesbian.

I've spent years straining to even hear myself think over the "tick tock, tick tock" that echoed within me with such ferocity that I was certain it was causing involuntary muscle spasms.

I held hope with each passing relationship that "this time" would be different. That "this one" would posses the super secret code key needed to deactivate the ticking time bomb trailing behind me.

With each failure, my hope got mushed...to the point that all that remained was a fine white dust settling around me. And I resigned myself to the fact that the things that I sought so desperately, would forever be out of my reach.

Then, 2008 swooshed in.

It knocked me on my ass, took my milk money and disappeared before I could raise the alarm.

As bruised and offended as I was...I came to be grateful. Grateful because 2009 came to the aid of a damsel in distress. He picked me up off the pavement, dusted me off...and opened the car door for me. And in the brief moment of that kind gesture I realized...the-ticking-had-stopped.

Call it an epiphany, an awakening, a sign from on high...whatever suits your fancy.

But in that moment of realization, I stopped watching the clock...and IT stopped watching me.

I have learned to appreciate what each day brings and to look forward to what lies ahead. I have learned that life is what you make of it and that the only voice in your head you should listen to is your own...(just make sure you don't answer it because otherwise people will think you are schitzo.)

And above all, I have learned that until I have my own, I can kiss and love on the sweet baby nephews and hand them back to mom when Aunt Sissy smells a poo.