Past or Present?
There were a few feisty comments under my last post (take it easy guys) that sparked an interesting debate.
I think we are all in agreement that each of us has a past. That's a given. And in all honesty, there are parts of my past that I wish I could erase from this story of my life and replace with some fabulously romantic, fulfilling tales of love and pure happiness.
Unfortunately for me...I used permanent marker the first go 'round.
So now, here I am...stuck with these ugly, rumpled pages because I know that my only other option is to burn them and let's face it...without those first few chapters, the rest of the story just wouldn't make sense. My past is what shaped me into who I am now.
There are things in my past relationships that I'm not proud of...decisions that I made that were less than courageous. But what's done is done and all I can do now is acknowledge my mistakes, carry them close to my heart and let them continue to shape me into a better person.
The romantic in me believes that in the dating realm, everyone's past deserves a future and I can't bring myself to turn my back on someone who carries their past mistakes with them as a reminder like I do. All I can do is make room on the shelf for their rumpled chapters...take their hand...and start a new page.
posted by Lindsey @ 1/26/2007 07:21:00 PM
23 Comments:
You are right about your first few chapters. You are the sum of your experiences (you are no longer 'the same person' you were when you wrote the post). A huge majority of these incremental changes happen without our notice or the notice of those around us, but the build up over time (that is what makes long distance relationships hard to maintain).
As you have said, we all have our pasts, but those pasts have created us. Here I sit only on a Friday night, divorced with two kids and I wouldn't change a thing in my past. I am happy with who I am. If I remove an uncomfortable memory who knows what changes flows from that change. It is the butterfly effect.
Lindsey, there is much wisdom in this post. What is done is done and what is to come will come but our appointment with life has been and will forever be only the knife's edge of the present moment. Keep believing in that romantic future and don't let anyone tell you it's all a pipe dream.
All the best to you my friend. :-)
Nothing wrong with keeping your rumpled pages to pull out once in a while for nostalgia. My point is that they don't need to be on the coffee table, or in the bedroom, or really in sight much at all, if we are talking about former flames, encounters, etc. Up on the shelf is just fine. Writing a new page together is the best ever. Nicely written Lindsey.
I told you a long time ago and I'll tell you again... Never put a question mark where God's already put a period. You can't unscramble eggs! You're present is just that... a present, a gift that you've been given and from what I can see, you're future looks bright. Even if things in this particular situation does not work out, you will take with you a valuable lesson or two and you will be that much smarter and ready for the next. You're life, until this point has made you the person that you are today. It has molded you in a way. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. We've all heard that. We CAN NOT live life afraid of every obstacle. Without trials and consequences we would not move forward. The test is not in how you end up. It's in how you get there. This coming from a 23 year old widowed/single mom who hasn't had a relationship in years. I'll admit, I'm no one to take relationship advice from but I know a thing or two about life. It throws you curve balls constantly and you MUST swing at 'em!!!! Otherwise you'll be sitting on the bench for the rest of the season and that's not a fun place to be. We are given life so that we may live it abundantly not reluctantly! Whatever your little heart desires Linny, go for it!
Wow that 'yourdestiny' chick is wise beyond her years. Lovely comment yourdestiny. Thought provoking! Thanks for sharing.
As for Linny, darling, you are so lovesick, its too obvious :)
thanx yrautca! I try! Yes.. Poor poor Lindsey.. Love is a beautiful yet very ugly thing!
everyone has a series of things that has happened in the past, for whatever reason these are probably things that shouldn't be spoken about, let alone repeated.
i have them
in the history book of my life i have chapters and sub-plots dedicated to errors of judgement, times that when i carried on, believeing that i was doing the right thing, and times when i was less than a gentleman about things.
these indiscretions have made me who i am today though and although i'm not proud of them all, i'm proud of what i learnt and who i have become.
although there is always a past, it shouldn't dictate your future
you are totally right Lin..
Without those experiences you wouldnt be who you are, and no one can blame you for the decisions you made, because
1. you didnt have all the wisdome you do now
2. you made the best decision for you at the time, based on the information you had at the time.
Looking back, hindsight is always 20/20....If I looked back over every decision ive made, im sure I could find a million things that I would have changed...but whats done is done.
I think, regardless of your past...you turned out just fine. LOL!!!
I think we learn from our mistakes and move on. Our past is what makes us who we are today.
The past is the past. I cannot change it, no matter how much I may have wanted to at times. The future is unknown and only God knows what it will bring. All I have is today. Today, I will make the most of what I have.
I reminded someone, not too long ago, that everyone has a past, even a priest. No one who is honest is completely satisified with their past. But, my past is what makes me who I am today, scars and all. Granted, some things in my past may be more disturbing to some people, but to others, they mean less. Everyone is different. All I know is, who I am today is good enough and that is all based on every decision, good or bad, that I've ever made. And what I did with the results.
Every day is a new day with the last day gone away!
You always have to learn from your past and of course it shapes you and no matter what you won't forget it.. but we dont have to carry it around like a badge.
It's your past... do with it what you wish! ~M
Bravo! Well put!!
Well put.... "Your Destiny"!
I might add that too often in our lives we find ourselves making the same damn mistakes over and over again. If we can learn from our past (bad or good) we might find ourselves moving on to a new lesson. It takes a lifetime to learn how to live !!!
Well said, and well written.
We all have our pasts, and our skeletons in the closet.
Sometimes we wish we could bury the skeletons, but truth is they'd surface again after time, so it's better to just face them head on.
*hugs*
I believe in a clean slate...for everyone. What you did in the past shapes how you are today. Who gives a rats ass how many people you've slept with. I bet you are better than you were before. LOL.
I agree, escaping the past or pretending it doesn't matter is dangerous and impossible.
I think the caution is that some continue to repeat the past of live in it. While it should shape things, it should not cloud them.
Hi sweetie. I hope you're doing well. Looks like there's quite a lot of pontificating going on in these parts.
I'll throw one at you for your last post: When I was young and dated one guy for a long time, for the first time, Dad said, "Don't ever ask questions you don't want to know the answers to." It's a good motto and I stand by it solidly still. If the response is going to rock my world, I'd rather wait and see if I really needed to know in the first place.
Secondly, about that past you'd like to bury.... Here's what I've learned by the ripe old age of 39:
a) Your memories of a time are entirely different than the memories of everyone else involved in that time. (I don't know why but it's true. Perspective, I guess.)
b) Everyone moves on. What you're hanging onto may mean nothing to anyone but you. Eventually they will grow up, move away, have kids, die young even. None of it mattered in the end. They broke hearts and said wrong things and they beat themselves up for that, not for what you did.
c) The future changes us as much as the past and what seems important today is nothing after tomorrow. The only ONLY important thing in this life is to give and to love those who give and love you NOW, TODAY, THIS MINUTE.
Everything else is just filler.
I don't know the details of your situation but I harbor no anger or resentment to past loves since I got married 12yrs ago. It's all gone and forgotten.
Your time will come when everything sets into place and makes sense.
Hugs and love sweetie. It'll all work out in the end.
LOL!!! I Was expecting your whole blog address to be changed..
What did I miss? I saw another oist but now its gone.
I like the theory that everything happens for a reason and that that reason is for the best.
Sometimes we can look back and see it, but the same could just as well be true for the situations where we can't. We are just not privy to what might else have happened had we not made the choices that we did.
This is a wonderful post, Linny.
You summed it up yourself - the past created the present, and what a lovely present it is. You are.
Bright, happy future ahead, sweetie, all you have to do is believe in it.
xo
did you delete a post or something?
I agree...very well said.
I think that the past reveals itself in time anyway, and we don't always have much control over that. What we can control, I am finding, is how we manage the release of information. As long as you are proud of who you are today, then the pages can just end up being a really interesting story.
What a cheeseball comment.
Sheesh...this love stuff has made my brain into mush.
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