Sending Out An SOS....
Best friend e-mailed me today with a huge dilemma that needs an immediate solution. Every suggestion I have given has already been attempted and failed miserably so we are imploring to all of my super intelligent blog friends for advice.
The situation is this...Cathy (stop groaning Cathy...they already knew your name from previous posts)...has a very good guy friend whom we shall call Joshua. Joshua and Cathy spend TONS of time together, not only do they work together but he spends the night at her place frequently (though he stays in the guest room) and he hangs out at her house daily. They are very close...and recently Cathy has realized that she has feeling for him. She thought he felt the same way...she was getting the vibes but thought he was too shy to do anything about it. After all, he hasn't been on a date in the 2 years he's lived in the area. (And no...he's not gay.)
So, feeling that he's interested but shy, she takes it upon herself to tell him her feelings during a phone conversation...after she's poured out her heart...there is dead silence on the other end of line. Apparently the word is that he feels like they're too good of friends and he doesnt' want to ruin that (though he hasn't said this to her directly). They are currently out of state on a work related trip together and will be returning home this weekend...we were kind of hoping maybe something would happen but so far...zip...zilch...nada. Any suggestions for how to sway our boy to her side?
posted by Lindsey @ 12/01/2005 06:08:00 PM
34 Comments:
Tricky. I think the part about zero dates in two years is a huge obstacle. Like maybe he doesn't want to date for some reason whether it is Cathy or someone else....Maybe Cathy should moove on to greener pastures.
oh I don't know. Yeah, I know BIG help right?
well,
thats is a hard thing to help with.
i'm not much good at this as you know but....maybe he does like her and does not want to risk what he has with her now. or maybe he is gay!!! lol
maybe she should talk to him in person not on the phone. then she would be able to see how he take it and maybe see if he will just grab her and kiss her or smile and say sorry but i don't feel for you like that..then you will know and not have to wonder and can say at lest you tried...never hurts to try
let me know what goes down...
Kt Mae
I guess u just got to take the guy for what he said...we can't force ppl to love us...but we can force ppl to lust us and that won't take us anywhere :)
Keshi.
uh, 2 years! gulp. i am betting erectile dysfunction or sexual orientation confusion. if neither, something is missing from this story.
I don't have the faintest idea, but if you figure out what to do, send it my way. I could use some advice along those same lines too!
And they say women are hard to figure out. Is it something they are putting in the foods now...??
She gave him a hint and he seemed shocked? Stunned? Maybe it's a religious thing? I've meet a FEW guys like that. Give him a few weeks and maybe he'll fess up.
OK Linny, it's one of two things. As you say, he hasn't dated in too long (do you know if he has a disastrous dating history?) and is afraid of starting again. I don’t know what Cathy looks like, but if she is very beautiful, some men can find that intimidating. He could be afraid of losing the friendship if the relationship goes sour. Maybe he thinks she’ll be disappointed in him as a boyfriend, and doesn’t want to be rejected.
The second option is they get along really together, he loves being her friend, but for whatever reason, she doesn’t flip his switch. Unfortunately, you can’t do anything about that. You see two girls, and something attracts you to one, but not the other (equally attractive) girl. I imagine it works the same way for girls.
Of course, life being as ‘funny’ as it is, it is the second girl who is attracted to you, not the first.
Girl...He gets one shot at yo loving. If you got to hit this man upside the head with a baseball bat to get him to fess up what he thinking, your waisting your time not his. Now let him wonder what your thinking.
i say..
try to salvage the awesome friendship..
i've ruined a couple of great friendships by doing this.
i'm afraid i may do it again if a situation with one of my friend-girl's gets out of hand.
just may take. :)
and linny... no naked pics.. yet.
hmm, sorry, no bright ideas.
I would never even follow this advice but for some reason I am inclined to say get naked. If he still says no than that was just his way of putting it gently.
i take it you mean apart from the obvious getting naked and sitting on him?
i'd suggest that the friendship has already changed by her saying what she said (and i don't mean that to sound like a bad thing, someone had to say it right?) so there really isn't anything holding this shy boy back now, although forcing the issue may just serve to push him away
tricky
i vote for her showing up at his door wearing a trench coat and nothing else ... ka-zing!
Maybe he was put off by the phone call... It would have been better face-to-face, at least I'd prefer that to an email of phone call...
Think all she can be is honest... face-to-face tell him that she thinks he's hot and adores him and his personality and that in your life you make loads of friends... you only get to meet a tiny amount of people who you could love and cherish. It may be a close friendship but if it could be amazing, the risk is worth taking... say that... then kiss him and see if he reciprocates the kiss.
One thing that always gets me... girls look into man's eyes... then slowly moves your eyes down to their lips.. ever so slightly bite your bottom lip in a lustful way and then slowly, very slowly move your head in and tilt... every man imaginable will move in too and you know you have them.
Men are suckers... a girl looking at you with lust in her eyes? Bingo!
If that doesn't work, for whatever reason, he just wants to be friends and she has to stop pressuring hime or the whole friendship will end completely.
Hope this has been useful...
Well, she's already put herself out there. He knows how she feels which is good, and IF he's not gay, then if in the future he feels ready to commit to something with her, he'll be much more likely to say something about it now that he knows her feelings. I'd say that she should just try to go back to being just friends and hope that he comes around. And if not, then she still has him as her best friend. Not a bad deal...
OR
He could be playing some kind of game where he waits for a little while to see how much she likes him. He uses the friend thing to seem all sensitive and loving, which he probably is, but this way, when they do get together, she will have had to try even harder and she will then be more attached.
Which is good. Since you say they are really close friends.
Wouldn't want to change that for just a couple of months of good (hopefully) sex.
EEK that's so tough she sould start drifting away from him and see what happens.
Tell him to get over the good friends part. What more could a guy want? A girl who is practically his best friend (so does the same activities) and will be his girlfriend too? He needs to stop whining and step up to plate.
P.S. check my blog out today - you inspired me!
Nah, have her show up naked and bring food.
That is the most obvious way to say 'I heart you' when saying you have 'feelings for' someone. Extra words are worthless.
Why did she wait to tell him on the phone anyway? She would have been better off telling him in person and using her wiles on him.
Dzer beat me to it... have her get naked.
Works EVERY time. Unless he's gay.
Oh boy, this is tough. Normally I'd say he was gay right away, but if he's really not, then maybe he's completely afraid of relationships. He HAS to have some feelings for her if he spends so much time with her.
Or maybe he's got some other issue that hasn't been explored yet.
I'm not any help, huh?
Could be a virgin and completely new to the whole shebang.
Wait for it, wait for it...bam!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ugg, don't you just hate that. I'm nervous for her. I dunno what to say. I'm crossing my fingers for her that he feels the same way too.
Cathy...Allen said you need to get the book, "He's just not that into you."
I told him to stop being a fucker.
If she wants to push it, she should show up naked and bring food. Easy. That says, "I like you" to a guy. Telling him on the phone says, "I'm desperate, want to have babies immediately, and have chosen you for my victim." Sad, but true. To make a guy understand you, you have to speak their language.
If he turns her down, he doesn't like her. (But frankly, Scarlett, if he's already told her he wants to be friends, then he doesn't give a damn. Showing up naked will spark a casual relationship in which she'll get her heart pureed in a blender and fed to her.)
She did her part by pouring her heart out. That shit takes ovaries! It is not up to her to convince him. He has to want to and if he has reservations, better not try to force something or she might lose a friend. Patience... that is what she needs. If he wants her, he will say. And if she gets tired of waiting, she should feel free to date other people. You can't make somethinghappen all by yourself... this, like tango, is one of those things it takes two to do.
Damn I am verbose again :)
-N
I think it's a lost cause ... maybe he has deformed man part and is afraid to let it out there?!
Well i think she has done her part by telling him and now the ball is in his court ....he may decide to remain just friends, perhaps she scared him and now it will be awkward or best case scenerio he falls madly in love with her :)
I was in this situation twice, two close friends at different times told me they wanted to date me....sadly in my case it freaked me out a bit and i no longer speak to either...but i was also younger in my late teens so maybe i was just immature.
Some guys are absoutly oblivious to these things. My husband had a friend that was a girl when he met me. He fell in love with me and never even noticed that she was madly in love with him b/c he never saw it as a potential love interest from the beginning. It all depends on the situation.
Sorry but I'd have to say no matter how shy, if he was into her, after she poured her heart out he would have reacted somehow. If he didn't there's nothing you can do to make him SWING her way. Sorry, I don't mean to be mean at all but I have just been there myself in exactly the same situation and nothing I did made them want me in that way. Plus, even more important, I have been on the other side too. My current partner, Andy, was totally into me from the first time we met. But it wasn't the right thing for me and despite EVERY trick in the book, things just did not click for me. However, after a lengthy period of time, I myself changed a lot and things feel into place and we are absolutely in love - he is the love of my life - and have just bought a place together. IK truly believe if things are meant to be, they will, but only when the time is right too.
Keep up the good work
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